I CONFESS: I don’t mind his ‘piece on the side’
HAVE you ever noticed that when one thing goes wrong, another follows, then another, and another?
That is what is happening to me now. First, my mother died. Four months afterwards I had to stop working because of back problems.
I am now behind on all my bills. I pay just the bare minimum to keep utilities on. I am so broke now that I can only eat one piece of chicken on two separate days in a week.
The other five days of the week I use canned food for meat and gravy like corn beef, tuna, mackerel and sometimes even luncheon meat.
Despite this hardship, I felt happy to know that at least my two girls and their families were getting through without too many problems, and my boyfriend was still with me, even though our relationship was not what it should be because we weren’t talking or making love like before.
Then I found out what I believe was the reason for his reluctance to be intimate with me. I found a condom in his back pocket. I found it when I went to wash his tracksuit trousers.
After I calmed down, I decided the best way to deal with this was to play foolish. So when I took the clothes off the line, I folded that pants neatly and put it into the drawer, leaving the condom on top of it.
I didn’t say a word to him about it though I was boiling to confront him. After two days he took up the pants. I know he must have seen the condom. But he didn’t say a word.
In fact, as he was leaving, he hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he was going by the shop to lime with the fellows and only had $20.
(The remark about the $20 is part of the agreement we made to cut spending to a minimum. We agreed that at no time should he have more than a $20 bill on him and he should not spend more than $50 a week.)
Although I behaved as if nothing was wrong, I wanted to squeeze the living daylights out of him. What had me so mad too was that we had agreed to tighten our belts. Now here he is spending money on some woman, as these days no woman has a man unless he is spending on her.
Imagine we were together for 27 years, even built a house together, and now in our mid-50s he is playing around instead of saving his money for retirement and any health problems that may crop up.
About two and a half weeks passed and he said nothing about the condom. During this time I looked into the drawer each day to see if it was still there, and it was. Then last Thursday evening it disappeared when he went to the shop. So I put on my clothes and went down to the shop to see who he was with.
When I got there the fellows he limes with were surprised to see me as I do not go by that shop, or any other for that matter.
They told me he had passed through but said he had an errand to run and left. That night he did not return home until almost midnight. He did not smell of alcohol, which is usually the case when he comes from the shop. When he took off his pants and went into the shower I felt the pockets and he had no condoms. I didn’t say anything.
In the morning I couldn’t hold my anger any longer. I asked him how he could cheat on me and demanded to know who it was and why he was doing it. He told me that though I may not believe him, he loves me and wants me to get well soon. He said that since I came home hurt, each time we had sex my back and legs would be hurting after – which is true – so in order not to hurt me anymore, he decided to go by a young girl and get “fixed up”.
He said he understood how angry and disappointed I felt, but he wanted me to get better and if I just exercise and took my medication like the doctor advised, I should be fine. In the meantime he would get his satisfaction with no strings attached and would always be there for me.
Though I was annoyed, I didn’t know what to say. I hate what he is doing, but in a weird way I understand it because – how shall I put this? – he is not easy to handle. So not having sex with him for a while would help my recovery.
I have therefore come to the conclusion that as long as he uses a condom and doesn’t go by the girl more than twice a month, and lets me know when he is going, I can live with that.