DE MARKET VENDOR: Mek cents to drop cent coins
Central Bank Governor Dr DeLisle Worrell is a very cool guy; he don’t get ruffled. He is a social animal, attending all kinds of events and is a cool dresser. I just luv de straw hats. So when he put on de Governor hat an decide we abolishing de cent coin because it cost more to produce than it worth, de Vendor say, dat mek cents.
Then I started thinking more deeply – usually a dangerous thing, also an unusual thing – and heard dat de abolition could lead to social problems becausing when yuh go to de shop, prices will get “round up” to de nearest five or ten cent and it could lead to conflict.
I started thinking ’bout how it gine affect communication. How can I put in my two cents worth to a conversation iffing I don’t have one?
I can’t curse a fella and tell he dat he not worth a cent. Somehow, telling he dat he not worth five or ten cents sound like a compliment. And what about a “cent kite”? Dem disappear decades ago.
I used to be able to offer a young lady “a penny for your thoughts”, knowing I could pay up if she womanup. I not sure I want to risk that; today it could end up costing me Grantleys! Can I still have a programme called “Dollars And Cents” when there are no cents around?
I like mints; dese days I only buy one or two. If a mint cost two cents, must I now buy a minimum of five because yuh can’t buy two and a half and we no longer have cents, so I have to spend at least a dime? Given that there is no longer a cent, anything costing two cents would be free in de rounding-up scenario? Does dat not mek cents? It does to me.
Can I tell Chris Sinckler dat I want every red cent Government got for me? Surely he gine laugh and say, ‘Market, we ain’t got no cents’, to which I might respond: “I know dat!”
Abolishing one-cent coin mek real cents to me, but I still trying to figure out why we gine build a new sugar factory costing $500 million when de cost of producing sugar is more than what we earn fuh it? Dat mek cents to you? Somebody gine earn plenty cents from building it though. Look, nuff things don’t mek cents to me – like all de sugar lands dat lying idle waiting to get cut up and sell off. Somebody looking fuh dollars, not cents.
All of dis because of inflation. A friend, Aubrey Choy, once explained inflation dis way: “Market, soon you cannot call yuh friend Bea-eight-trix Holder by dat name, yuh gine have to call she Bea-nine-trix and yuh will not be able to tell she dat she look one-derful, two-night. It gine sound funny but yuh gine have to say Bea-nine-trix, you look two-teeful three-night!”
It may have implications too fuh de Dollar Wine song. Does de chorus, “Cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar” become “Nickel, ten cent, dollar, two dollar”? It don’t rhyme; wunnah mess up a good song, Guv’na!
While we at it, shouldn’t we look at de cost of de dollar coins? Does it cost more than a dollar to produce? If so, should we abolish dat too and go back to paper?
I once get charge overweight because of de amount of silver dollars I had in my bag. It cost me plenty dollars. My mudda tell me I had no cents!
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?