DEAR JOHN: Who do I pick?
Dear John, how do I handle this situation?
I am not yet married but I am very close to two women and I am finding it difficult to make a choice between them. Let us call them Suzette and Jackie to keep them anonymous.
Suzette is a divorcée and Jackie has two children from two different men and was never married. To be honest with you, I like them both but my concern is that my mother and sisters keep arguing that I am just approaching my 30th birthday and should not be making decisions to settle down with either one of these women. They are pressuring me so much that sometimes I wonder if I am making the right decision in having these relationships.
Suzette is a delightful lady. She already has a home and a car and she has a very good job. In fact, she is a qualified professional. However, she is ten years older than I am and has no children from her marriage. She and her former husband are still very good friends even though they are divorced and live apart.
Jackie, on the other hand, is a single mother who is working to support her children. She has a reasonable relationship with one of the fathers but the other one is a real bastard and does not even give her anything for the little boy. She has decided not to put him in court, but to work and support her children no matter what happens.
At the moment I am feeling the need to have a serious relationship and settle down with one of these women.
My mother and sisters keep saying I am looking to create problems for myself.
Dear John, please give me your opinion as to what I should do. – UNDECIDED
Dear Undecided, choosing a life parter is always a difficult job, especially for a young man of 30 years. Your decision must be based not only on emotions and feelings, but also on a serious analysis of what marriage requires.
Maybe your mother and sisters are right. You should listen to them very carefully since they may be seeing things which you cannot see or to which you are prepared to turn a blind eye. Remember, marriage is the merging of families and they are not going to be comfortable with a sister-in-law and daughter-in-law that they cannot fully accept into the family.
From the little information you have provided, I advise you to do the following:
(a) Find a single, unattached woman who has no children and who has never been married.
(b) Avoid women who have children. A woman with two children from two different men is not a person you should consider as a life partner. As a 30-year-old you should be looking for a woman with whom you can build a special relationship and not one who has attachments and baggage from the past.
(c) Do not take on the responsibility of other men’s children. It does not make sense.
(e) Are you ready to finance a home and train children who may see you as an interloper since you are not their biological father?
(f) Do you want to marry a divorcée who is older than you and who is still maintaining a relationship with her former mate? – JOHN (NA)