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DEAR CHRISTINE: Married lover back and forth

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Married lover back and forth

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Dear Christine,
I know some of your readers will probably ask the question, “Another woman with a married man?” Well, I don’t care at all!
I have been seeing a married man for four years now. It’s been a peculiar arrangement, in that he lives with me on and off. The longest he has ever stayed with me at any set time is two weeks, and then he is back to his wife and children.
He won’t even call when he is with his family but would then turn up and suddenly we’re at it again – trying to work things out. The thing he’s talking about is getting a bigger place where he will come to me altogether.
He is upsetting a lot of people, and I understand his wife would also like to have him make a decision. He does not work steadily, and it’s next to impossible to get him to be realistic about money.
He admits he cannot cope on his own. I don’t know what to do.
– ES
Dear ES,
It would seem to me that husbands can be rented these days, with no special conditions applied to the rental cost. This man must be made of gold for him to have both you and his wife allowing him to use both of you the way he is doing.
Where is your self-esteem? How can you or his wife put up with him spending time with you according to his whims and fancies?
I believe you know what you have to do. Get out of this unrewarding relationship. This man is being treated like a little child who has to spend time between his mother and dad and is given the “best of treatment” because he is so small in his thinking, “he cannot cope on his own”.      
Please! What’s more, his unrealistic way with money is being supported by both of you.
Getting rid of him might be a problem for the wife, but for you, it should mean facing up to the fact that with him, you are without all the things a woman needs and expects from a man who claims to care.
In fact, when he gets a bigger house, who will pay for it? Think! Will he ever get a bigger house? Perhaps it’s just a dream to keep you holding on.
As I see it, this man is incapable of making any decision because he is having his cake and eating it too. You are the one who must make the decision. It’s an easy decision in that  you have to give the wife back her property. You are just a part-time renter. This property does not belong to you.

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