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English lessons anyone?


Veoma Ali

English lessons anyone?

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Thanks to my colleague overhead, I overheard two folks discussing my belly button. Getting in touch with my “innie-self” is no longer a private matter.
I was walking with Stacy Mottley from Public Workers’ and we were accosted in front of the Red Cross by two people, one asking if my umbilicus was a protrusion or a reclusion; the other real vex with Hoad about boasting that he always comes out on top. She was as concerned as an avid reader could be, wanting to know why I din tell mih mama doh sen me down hay. Hoadie, you’re apparently corrupting me.
Back to bellies, though. I was trying to do a survey last week, but found only four candidates who would answer this question: does curried black belly sheep, i.e mutton, taste like curried goat? Anyone can help me here? It seems as if most of us prefer mutton stew or baked lamb to its curried counterpart. “Goat?” My boy Matthew Pilgrim says he would never eat it. He says it is “too cute to cook”. My mother makes that self-proclamation, so my father is tasked with all the home economics (and makes the best curried goat).
When it comes to “cuteness” however, I don’t really study that concept in considering my belly. I will eat sheep, goat, miss or mister piggy . . . anything that tastes good. Except dog, though. I could eat the bovine but not the canine.
I love puppies and can’t see myself hounding one, going in for the kill. It’s not just that they’re cute; they have personality too, you know? I’ve always loved their company, even taking my puppy Bongo to work one day. So well-behaved, not a soul (until now) even knew he was in the office.
I recently read that cuddling with someone you love or cuddling with a pet triggers a 14 per cent rise in happiness. Imagine that? A dog, cat or even mongoose could substitute for someone you love when it comes to cuddling. Mind you, I didn’t read that from a Facebook post or a tweet, it was from cnn.com, for those of you who want to reference it. That’s good news for people like me: I have three pooches – call me weird if you like – but I’d have more if I could, like Kim Kardashian.
One last thing: Facebook posts. I know we’re in the age of relativism, but is spelling relative? For example, if I rite lik dis wud u b abl 2 onstan? Perhaps you would, but would you really enjoy the linguistic experience if it was constantly abbreviated or bastardised as such? So as to illustrate my point, two of my picks from last week come from local postings on a certain page:
1. Tell someone you luv dem before it is two late.
2. Live tagader, die tageder. (Not even the spelling of what was supposed to be “together” was consistent). Murder!
I used to give free English lessons on Friday afternoons. I surmise I may recommence.
Veoma Ali is an author, actor, broadcaster, advertising exec and most importantly, a karate lover.

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