DEAR CHRISTINE: I didn’t know he was married
I read your column every day and appreciate the advice you give. I am not a Barbadian but I am from one of the neighbouring islands. I am a 25-year-woman with no children, and I am still living with my parents.
I have been going out with a 35-year-old guy for the past eight months. The month, after we met, he asked me when he could come home to meet my family. I gave him a time and he came. My family was happy to meet him and things continued to go fine between us.
Two weeks ago he asked me out to dinner. He said he had something very important to explain to me. While we were dining he said he was going to tell me something but I was not to feel bad about it. He then told me that he was a married man with three children and that he had been married for 10 years.
Christine, when we first met, I questioned him about himself and he told me he was single but had two children from a girl he used to be in love with. He said the girl took the children to England. I asked him why he had told me so and he said if he had told me the truth. I would not have gone with him.
Christine, I felt so bad that I cried out loud. I did not know what to do. I do not know what to tell my family because they love him deeply. I am in so much pain I am writing to see if you can advise me on what step to take.
My guess is that this man wanted to have sex with you and so he lied to you. I also believe that now he has gotten what he wanted, he wants to make a clean break and has now divulged this information, knowing quite well, you are not going to stay with him. He has made this strategic move deliberately.
I don’t see why you should have difficulty telling your parents what you have only just found out. I would be surprised if they condoned a relationship with a man who has a wife and three children.
If he were divorced, he would then be considered free, but this does not seem to be the case. If you attempt to keep up the relationship you would be joining those women who allow such a person to move in and out of their lives as the mood suits them.
This man has been dishonest with you and his wife. Don’t make any provision to continue in this relationship. Get him out of your life and make certain he stays out.