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WILD COOT: Is there a parallel?

Harry Russell

WILD COOT: Is there a parallel?

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THERE IS A little matter that involves a difference of opinion with one of our admired columnists with respect to the advice given to a hoary and horny citizen when he sorrowfully asked, “Is this the end of sex life?” I believe that what prevented the columnist from studied advice were lack of age and gender. Right! You need to walk a mile in his shoes.
    Let the Wild Coot start by going back to the Bible about 2080 BC. Abraham was an old man, about 100 (Genesis 17:17) but still perking with sex on his mind. Obviously he importuned Sarah vigorously – he was a man who stopped at nothing, even willing to sacrifice his son, Isaac (today called in Barbados Isik) (23:10). At long last after much harassment, she said, “I cannot take you anymore annoying me nightly, here is my handmaiden, take her for your wife and let her fix you up.” (16:2), I may be misquoting the lady as she may have been speaking in Hebrew).
    So said so done. While Sarah went for a walk, Hagar entered the tent and said to the old man sitting on some rugs wondering if this was the end of his sex life. “The mistress sent me”.
    Abraham was surprised that such a succulent dish was there for his taking. He had always had his eye on the slave girl given to him in Egypt, but because he was careful not to mess on his own doorstep, he had confined his raping to the eye.
    “Where is Sarah?” He cautiously quizzed the lass.
    “Gone for a walk. She told me to call her when I am done.”
“Well she should know that I am pass this foolishness. Look at me, cannot even raise my left leg.” (Ch18 V17)
“Boss man, before I was a slave girl I used to raise more than left legs, let me show yuh.”
    And she worked miracles on the old man. At the first touch of “percolation”, Abraham discarded his walking stick as if he had discovered the fountain of youth.
Hagar boastfully reported, “Chicken feed!” (12:4)
The “moral” of the biblical story is that where age or experience failed, youth and enthusiasm prevailed.
    The reference of the advice seeker to the 64 dollars question is a subtle reference to the expensive remedies tried such as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Axiron, Arouse Plus, Muse, Seamoss, Chinese Brush, etc., all of which may have been tried before in desperation seeking openly to admit failure and resignation. Diabetes that stalks the land is a devil in the detail.
    Way back in 1772 BC, “if a man takes a wife, and the woman gives her husband a maidservant, and she bears him children, but this man wishes to take another wife, this shall not be permitted” – Hammurabi code number 144. One does not know if Abraham had a roving eye and threatened, as Sarah his sister was barren. In any case around the time of Abraham, BC 2100 according to the Mesopotamian code of Ur-Mammu, such a code possibly existed; also “if a man’s slave woman, comparing herself to her mistress speaks insolently to her, her mouth should be scoured with a quart of salt.” Hagar for her good deed got worse punishment eventually.
    Now the revered story has been cited in order to throw light on the searching questions that this hoary citizen had been bold enough to air at this time in our land of difficult decisions. Although women have no such difficulty of raising a left leg, time of life can take its toll. The popular saying that “the doctor does not order fowl soup, he orders chicken broth” may be relevant advice to the gentleman. One hopes that his wife is as understanding as Sarah was at first.
    On the other hand Shakespeare said, “His acts being seven stages.” The final stage is sans eyes, sans teeth.
But why did the Almighty make women to stop bearing children at 40 but allowed men to father children at 100? Sobering question.   
    Perhaps in this Crop Over season the gentleman will find a Hagar with Sarah’s blessing.
 Harry Russell is a banker.