DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s trying to control my life
I HAVE the highest regard for the advice you give in your column and so I am sharing my problem with you.
I have been seeing a man for some time now and for a while everything was alright. He is older than I am, but that is no problem. The problem is he has a girlfriend and two children. I only learnt of this after our relationship had started.
While he does not have to answer to me [but is perhaps answering to another woman] he wants to put a lot of dos and don’ts on me. He tells me what I can and cannot do while he is still having a relationship with his girlfriend and he always wants me to tell him how many calls I got during his absence – whether I am at home or work.
Even when I am at work late, he wants to know who picked me up and where I went. If I admit to getting a ride home with someone he beats me up then tells me all sorts of dirty degrading things. It hurts me very much.
We are always having heated arguments and it is always because I have been out or received calls. He tells me I have too many friends passing and shouting me when they are in my area, but Christine, he is still not leaving out his girlfriend. Please advise me.
What advice can I give that you don’t already know? Where is your pride woman? Are you paralysed that you cannot help yourself out of your present situation? Are you bound in chains? This man will never stop persecuting you with his dos and don’ts as long as you allow him to.
What exactly is keeping you from breaking away from him? What part of this script did you forget to write or what part have you purposely left out?
What are you taking from him that gives him such a demanding hold on you?
The decision to allow him to physical, mentally and emotionally torment you is in your hands. If you are not happy with the relationship you should break the bonds.
In fact, you should have broken them from the moment you discover that he had a girlfriend and two children. Still, it’s not too late.