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LOOKA LEW: When condoms are bad


ERIC LEWIS

LOOKA LEW: When condoms are bad

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Trouble don’t always set up like rain, so I could see how some men does get “kill”. When I say kill, I ain’t mean dead, I mean kill in the Bajan way.
Imagine this, I went to a calypso tent last Sunday night. As soon as I entered, a man was by the door handing out some small paper bags with something in them. Well, he give me one and I figured it was a gift from one o’ the tent sponsors. So I put it in my pocket and was hurrying to my seat. Suddenly I heard a lady ask another lady what was in the bag. The woman said condoms.
Condoms! I screamed to myself. Boy look, I made a back-pedal fast to that man and returned the bag with the condoms and asked him if he wanted me to get kill when I get home.
He gine tell me, if I don’t want them, I could keep them and give them to somebody else. Listen to me, them is three things that I ain’t keeping for nobody; a gun, drugs, or condoms, cause if I get catch with the first two, I in trouble with the police, and if my wife catch me with the last one, well call the ambulance for me.
You see, I know my luck. I would take those condoms, with all good intentions of giving them to one of my village ram friends, and I would forget them in my back pocket. My wife would go to wash the pants, and as usual check the pockets to make sure I don’t have any paper or coins in them before she toss it in the machine. And when she butt up on them condoms all hell gine break loose.
And men would tell you, that we does be telling women the truth and them does don’t believe we, them would believe a lie first. Cause I know she aint gine believe that I went to a tent, them give me condoms, I took them for a friend, placed them in my back pocket and forgot them.
But then again, fellas, if you and your woman long pass the condom days, and you went into her handbag looking for bus fare, and you butt up on a pack of condoms, you gine be sceptical when she said that she went to a tent, them give her condoms, and she took them to give to a friend but forgot them in her bag. I telling you, every week you gine check that bag for condoms.
It is the same thing when you are travelling, somebody would beg you to take some mauby bark up to New York to their grandmother when you gine up, and they would bring it to you all wrap up in paper and taped down and because you know the person all these years, you trust them, so you would just squeeze the package into your bag.
You see that, that is foolishness. Because if when you get in JFK, and them people search that bag, and that mauby bark turns out to be drugs, you would prefer for your girl to find condoms in your back pocket, trust me. Cause them people ain’t gine wanta hear no excuses.
The long and short of the story is, when somebody give you anything, check it first before you put it in your bag or your pocket, cause trouble don’t always set up like rain.
See ya.
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