Dear Christine,
My wife seriously believes that I avoid sex because of deep-seated homosexual leanings and several other things, all deep-seated.
Actually, it is because while she was pregnant, she gave up being the kind of woman who attracts me.
I mean that she began wearing teenage sloppy-joe clothes and has never gone back to the kind of dressing up and grooming she took pride in from our first meeting until late in pregnancy.
I think six months after giving birth is too long to keep up the “gimme-a-break-I’m-bushed act”.
I buy her nice things but she would not put them on.
Why should I pretend to be aroused by this woman?
– L.A.
Dear L.A.,
I have to admit that you do sound a little harsh and uncaring towards your wife.
Give women a break, including your wife. Becoming the parent of a real child can take the starch out of any man or woman for a while.
I don’t say that for her to get back to her prior style would not be good for both of you, but maybe it is up to you to make it happen.
Maybe you should arrange some event where you can take your wife out and she would be required to dress up – so to speak. You can do this at reasonable intervals and stop buying her clothes to “put on”.
That is demoralising.
Instead, see that she has money to purchase her own clothes. Tell her you want her to get nice things and assert her special style the way she used to because you always loved that and want her to look like that again.
You can say that you want that baby to grow up thinking of mother as a wonderful-looking woman, not just a drudge.
If she still resists, I think you have to have a little talk and find out what is going on with her. It may be resentment, thinking you do not do your share of housework or helping to take care of the baby.
That idea may surprise you, but from her point of view it may be a serious one. Find out if that is it, or what it is.
Many women also have post-natal issues after giving birth and it is easy for depression to set in.
Please bear with your wife. If, however, the various issues persist, perhaps both of you should speak to a counsellor, or more specifically, a marriage counsellor.
– CHRISTINE
