Friday, March 29, 2024

David leading by example

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What was meant to be a simulated domino match for the camera evolved into a serious kick-off to a family tournament.
David Junior easily won the first, while his father David cinched the second. But don’t discount Donnia’s ability to slam with the best of them.
“She is really good,” her father relayed with a smile, as his wife Donna, who usually takes on spectator status, agreed with a nod.
Play is no funny business in the Holder household. It is one aspect that makes their family so dynamic, along with straight talk and lots of love. There is also no room for being judgemental – towards their children or the wider church family of the Church of the Nazarene where David is leader of the flock.
“They say a church reflects the personality of their nature. I am not judgemental by nature and the church has taken on my spirit,” he said on a hot Sunday afternoon.
“We fall down/but we get up,” Donnie McClurkin once sang.It is a sentiment that the patriarch of the Holder family can easily identify with and also helped fashion his approach to parenthood and pastoring.
David willingly admitted to EASY that as a young pastor he had a child, daughter Racquel, outside of the confines of marriage. He was 24 years old at the time, and had been involved in the church for all his life.
“For the first 10 years of her life or so, it took me a while to forgive myself. Knowing the standards of the church, it took me a while to come to grips with that,” the pastor of 35 years said.
“. . .  You are supposed to be a Christian and a pastor at that and you sinned in the eyes of the church and everyone else, and the guilt you carry . . . impacts on you psychologically, so I wasn’t at my best at all.”
The public backlash, compounded by feelings of guilt and subsequent posting to the Windward Islands after a mandatory two-year hiatus also had a negative impact on David’s relationship with Raquel in her early years.
But things have gotten better, and the proud father said his first daughter can call “at any time” for prayer and advice.
“I talk about it to let people know that I know what it is like to mess up . . . and offering hope to those who do mess up,” the 58-year-old said candidly.
This extends to his children, although he happily admitted that David Jr, 23, and 18-year-old Donnia have not become the stereotype of the pastor’s children.
“Our son is a model of a young man . . . and my daughter [is a model of a young woman as well] and the church did not put a lot of expectations on them. There are no demands or iron fist, but they knew that we don’t do certain things. Now they are big enough to make their own decisions but they still ask for advice.”
David Jr and Donnia can talk about anything with their parents, especially Dad, who is a bit slower to wrath: sex, love, relationships are all topics that can be discussed. And even though he did not, David encourages his children to live sexually pure lives.
But fathering has also been a work of progress for the full-time pastor. David’s parents migrated to England when he was very young. As a boy, he said his father beat his mother. When he was older, David matured in an all-male household.
“[My great-uncle] was an old retired pastor and he taught me how to walk in the way of the Lord, but he didn’t know how to be romantic. That generation didn’t do that. Reading, exposure to good seminars and that has helped me,” David added.
“. . . I had to learn on the job. You would make mistakes but you quickly recover and learn from those mistakes. It has been growth and learning.”
 

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