Dear Christine,
AFTER MY DIVORCE, my best friend was a guy I had known for years. This friendship was comforting and helped me get through a bad time.
One night we were out together, had an especially good time, and what do you know? He came back to my place with me, and he was there in the morning, just like in the movies.
I did not hear from him for a week, then he came over again and was subdued. I told him to cheer up – it was not the end to life. So he cheered up and spent the night again. After that he began worrying that things were getting too serious.
I am not out to nail him. I never wanted to sleep around, and except for this friend, whose sexual history I really believe I do know accurately, I am scared of casual sex because of AIDS and the other sexually transmitted diseases.
What bothers me is that going beyond platonic friendship once or twice has been a bad change for him. I really miss his friendship.
– Anne
Dear Anne,
Having sex with a friend changes the friendship. It does not have to ruin it, but it cannot ever be the same again. The best thing for you is to widen your circle of friends. And try to have some friends who will never desire to get in bed with you, and with whom you will never desire to want to get into bed.
A friendship is a valuable thing. Maybe you could write him a letter and tell him that you miss the nice, untroubled companionship with him and that, if you cannot have just the way it was, you would still like to see him now and then without his worrying that you are thinking of dropping a net over him.
Things like that always happen after divorce; a friendship becomes very important. If it cannot progress to a life partnership, it has to cool off, and there are troubled feelings.
Give yourself time to come to terms with being divorced before looking seriously for a new life companion.
– CHRISTINE
