DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t want to break up marriage
About eight months ago I met this guy who said he was interested in me. In fact, he now says he loves me. I took that piece of information with a grain of salt because I knew he was married. I also let him know I was aware of that fact.
The telephone rang when I was sitting at home one night and he was the caller. We had a very interesting conversation, at the end of which he again expressed his feelings for me. I rebuffed him with the remark that he was already married. He then told me his wife had neglected him in all aspects of married life and he really needed someone.
He proposed a date for us to go out and I accepted. That was six months ago. We have been dating steadily since then. I have found him a sensitive and witty person and so I became very interested in him.
Now here are the problems – we’ve become sexually involved and on one occasion I told him I love him. From then, he has become too serious about our relationship and I am wondering how to get it back on a less serious level.
Please do not think I am a flirt. I’m not! I would never hurt anyone without just cause. I sometimes think of his wife and wonder if his version of the story is the real version. I do not want to be responsible for an unhappy marriage.
What advice can you possibly be in need of? I am surprised at the number of women like you who are constantly writing to Dear Christine concerning their involvement with married men. I am surprised because you women never seem to learn. These men will lie their way into your beds, use you and then leave you.
Most of these affairs are dead-end relationships which, like most storms or hurricanes, leave mass destruction behind. And please don’t give me the story that you don’t want to be responsible for an unhappy marriage. You don’t truly care. If you did, the relationship would not have reached the stage that it has . . . and so soon. You would have nipped it in the bud.
On the other hand, if you are as sincere as you want me to believe and you are truly sorry, you’ll stop looking for advice and leave the woman’s husband alone.
His line about his wife neglecting him “in all aspects of married life” is as old as the hills. I bet if you were to speak to the wife you’ll discover she is doing everything possible to make him satisfied and happy, but he wants some variety and you are not doing yourself any good by providing it for him.
From what has been written, you have no just cause to hurt that woman, even if the husband believes he does, and I am 100 per cent sure he does not either. And what are you hoping to achieve at the end of the day? Do you think he is going to leave her for you? I doubt it! He’s probably just going along for the ride and you’re perhaps just another conquest.