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DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t know much about orgasm

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t know much about orgasm

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Dear Christine,
These questions are not vital because I enjoy sex and have no complaints at all.
However, when my husband asks if I had an orgasm, I say yes because it would be hurtful for him if I were to imply in any way that I did not enjoy the experience.
To say no would only open a can of worms, if you know what I mean. It would cause him anxiety, and I see no point in that. Besides, for all I know, I did have one.
However, I am not so sure how well versed or informed you are about matters like this one, but I would like to know the truth about orgasms and about all the rumours I hear. I would also like the answers so I can pass them on to my daughter if she ever starts asking questions about sex.
I hear confusing stuff: that most women never have orgasms; that most women have several before the man even has one; that there are two kinds; that there is only one kind; that a woman can fake an orgasm and a man cannot tell; that a man can always tell when she fakes it.
It’s all too much for me. How can you help me with this whole issue?
– OF
Dear OF,
It seems to me as though you have all the information but can’t quite assess it properly.
I have decided to ask a medical expert to provide you with the answers to some of your queries.
Having consulted, here goes. First, about the orgasms you may or may not be having.
Sometimes a woman may be having orgasms but not be aware of them. The physical event takes place but she does not recognise it and does not enjoy it.
Somehow it does not register with her because the earth-shattering experience she was expecting – based on the information of others – just did not take place. This is called a missed orgasm.
There is also the possibility that some women are aware of them but they do not meet their expectations. That’s again due to the sometimes unrealistic idea about them and that the earth really does move.
Many women have what can be called terrific orgasms, but do not have them without direct stimulation.
Others can have orgasms without intercourse and mainly just by stimulation.
According to the expert, there have been cases where women can have multiple orgasms just by taking a shower and directing a hand-held shower head towards her [private parts]. It depends on the overall sensitivity.
Some women also have multiple orgasms – one after the other. These are a sexual minority, and nobody has to join in to enjoy terrific sex.
According to the expert, in almost every case – 99.9 per cent of the time – all female orgasms are triggered by clitoris stimulation.
Most men have to take their wives’ orgasms on faith. If she cries out prettily, why argue? It’s just that some women do not want their husbands to feel they have not “performed well” and so they usually fake it, which is sad.
On the other hand, some wives have terrific husbands who want to understand and help and will learn eventually how to get their wives to that “significant” point of lovemaking and intercourse.
Sometimes, according to the medical pro, it’s about patience, relaxation, understanding your partner’s body and knowing where that “right spot” really is. This can be a learning process for some spouses.