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DEAR JOHN: Mum not respecting Dad’s memory

SHERRYLYN CLARKE, [email protected]

DEAR JOHN: Mum not respecting Dad’s memory

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?It is now some time since our father died.
?During the last few years our mother has been quite friendly with at least seven men. At least four of these have visited and slept over at our family home. We are writing you, John, because her behaviour has left us, the two older girls, quite embarrassed, very upset and totally disappointed. You see John she has allowed these men to sleep with her in daddy’s room.
John, we believe that there is nothing wrong with our mother establishing friendships or having a second marriage but we have a younger sister who is only a teenager. We believe our mother’s behaviour is setting her a bad example and is very disrespectful to the memory of our dad.
We, the older girls, have raised our concerns with our mum and she says she is not really running around from man to man but only trying to find a lifetime partner. The longest of these friendships lasted for only nine months. He was quite decent and we were just beginning to hope that he would have been a kind of replacement for daddy, but unfortunately the relationship ended and mummy never told us why.
John, we need to get our mother to understand that her behaviour is affecting us, especially our younger sister. How can we influence our mother to change her ways ?
??A widowed mother seeking companionship and another lifetime partner is understandable and acceptable. The way your mother is going about it is regrettable and seems to be bordering on the loose and immoral. Show this column to her and discuss the family situation with her. Make sure that you get her to understand the following:
(1) As daughters, you see the family and the memory of your father as something very special. This has a sanctity that must be treasured and respected.
(2) The three of you as her children want her to be happy and to live the rest of her life comfortably and in a settled manner.
(3) Entry into intimate relationships with men so quickly makes her vulnerable and open to men using her and taking advantage of her. Ask her to ensure that any man she meets brings more than his body to the friendship. He must have facilities for her to share and not have to use her late husband’s bedroom and family house.
(4) Ask her to establish friendship before intimacy. Let a year or two pass while friendship is developed. She has already experienced marriage and need not to be in a hurry. Get to know the fellows first.
(5) Did your father die intestate or was there a will? Get a lawyer to advise you three girls on the old man’s estate and what your position is now.
Your mum seems to need guidance on what she is doing. Good luck.