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DEAR CHRISTINE: Torn between friend and hubby


SHERRYLYN CLARKE, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Torn between friend and hubby

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Dear Christine, My marriage fell apart two years ago when ?I discovered my husband was having an affair.
?My best friend, who has been a real pal from school days, was amazing in helping me put my life back together.
?She helped move me and my son into a new place and was there for me during what were some of the most challenging times of my life. She was the shoulder I leaned on and she literally took me and my son under her wing.
My husband and I have started talking again and we have decided to give our marriage another chance. However, my girlfriend does not want to have anything to do with my husband and I’m afraid I will lose her friendship if my husband and I get back together.
?What advice can you give me?
– CY
?
Dear CY,
?My first question would be – to whom are you married? Is it your husband or your best friend? If you choose to forgive your husband and get back together with him, that’s your prerogative.
However, I understand how valuable a good friendship can be and you are in a tricky situation. Your friend has lived through your grief and time of pain and so no doubt feels protective of you when it comes to your husband.
?Indeed, when she was your rock, I am sure you told her things about your relationship which would have caused her to “dislike” your husband.
?Clearly, you have now moved on and want to give your relationship another go.
?I presume that you have had long discussions about what went wrong and decided that what you have is too special to throw away. In fact, some relationships can get stronger after a turbulent period such as yours has been through, as the problems that come to a head with an affair can be acknowledged and addressed.
?In other words, an affair is a symptom of greater underlying problems which, if dealt with, can refresh and renew a stale and unhappy union.
?I suggest you spend time talking with your friend and help her understand the decision you’ve made.
?It may also take her some time to be comfortable around your husband, especially since she probably knows too much about your relationship with your husband.
– CHRISTINE
?

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