DEAR CHRISTINE: Fed up with hubby’s quickies
I have long since realised that I do not have the old wifely duty of being ready for sex anytime my husband wants it.
As a result, I still have a problem getting him to understand without hurting his feelings. He gets hurt and rude when I say no, even though I often explain it is just a matter of timing.
It seems to me his timing is way off. And while I do not want to make a mountain out of a molehill, I think there is room for me to bring this concern of mine to your attention and for you to hear me out. Let me explain and see if you agree.
Several mornings a week, he wakes up at 6 a.m. and has sex with me while I am half asleep. At 6:10 a.m. he leaps out of bed, showers and gets to his job by seven.
I began to say “no” recently – just to these morning quickies [not evenings or afternoons when we have more time to spend together]. He was very hurt and began to tell me I was frigid.
Christine, I have decided to put my foot down, so I told him: no more sex on mornings. He is not taking this reasonably at all.
Am I wrong to take this stand? What can I say to him to make him understand?
I am not here to tell you if you are right or wrong, but for you to blatantly decide that your husband cannot have sex with you on any given morning is asking for trouble, which you’ve gotten. You are okay with afternoon and evening sex because you can spend more time together. There is nothing wrong with that.
However, if your husband loves those early morning “quickies”, perhaps you can try to be more accommodating; rather than cut him off altogether.
What about what he likes or desires? Surely, you can accommodate him some mornings by perhaps going to bed early enough and waking up at “a more convenient time” so you’re not half asleep when he is ready to spend some time with you between the sheets before he hustles off to work.
I’m sorry if I am not totally agreeing with the stance you’ve taken, but I just do not think it is fair to your husband. Then some wives wonder why their husbands have extramarital affairs, most of which usually occur at lunchtime or some other time during the course of the day.
While it is a simple fact that some women need more preparation and more leisure to enjoy love-making than some men allow in their morning rush to punch in on time, sex on waking up has been considered “nice” for some couples.
On the other hand, no time is the right time when one partner is not in the mood. It is wonderful that your husband wants to make love to you and also that he is a punctual worker, but if this morning sex is to be enjoyed by both of you, then both of you must make the proper time for it, and/or make adjustments to your daily schedules. It’s as easy as that. To cut him off is callous.
Let me ask you two questions: If your husband’s job had required that he be at work at 5 a.m. each day, won’t you make sure he has breakfast early enough to be at work on time? Or, if your young child woke up in the middle of the night for his feed, would you refer it to later in the afternoon?
I rest my case.