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DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t marry to please others

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t marry to please others

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Dear Christine,

Permit me to respond to letter writer M. Laurie who wrote last week about the joys of being single. Her article appeared under the headline: Advantages Of Being Single, in the MIDWEEK NATION of September 3.

This response is coming from a 65-year-old woman who gave up the single life a year and a half ago. After the first six months of my marriage, I asked my friends why they didn’t go upside my head when I told them I was getting married.

I was miserable for a year. My husband did everything to make me happy but I wanted to throw in the towel and go back to my single life which I missed.

Now I have to think about what I am going to wear on the weekends, whose house I will visit and what musical activity, theatre, dinner or dance I’ll have to attend.

I need to rest after a long work week but that is what my weekend schedule is like; always on the go. By the time Monday morning comes around I am exhausted.

My husband and I have fought tooth and nail because I wouldn’t stop working. I love what I do and I have no set time on when I will retire. If I were single, I probably would have by now, but not now that I am married. Not so soon.

His plans for us when I eventually retire are nothing like what I had planned for my retirement. His schedule includes dancing daily, eating at fancy restaurants and travelling to places I don’t care to visit.

I really hate eating out because I tend to put on weight when I do. He thinks he’s doing me a favour by keeping me away from the kitchen but I am a terrific cook and I love cooking.

On weekends I prefer to stay in and just chill. I love being by myself at times.

When I was younger, I hated being alone. Now, as old age sets in, I welcome the time to just chill, appreciate my home and my life.

When I was younger I worked two jobs in preparation for my retirement years. Those days were so hectic there was not much time to really appreciate much of anything. Therefore, when I retired from one of my jobs, I had a new appreciation for myself and my time.

Some people think single women are lonely because they don’t have partners. From my experience, it’s the most asinine assumption. It is true that when you are young and do not have a partner you tend to think: “What happen to me?”

If anyone says that has never happened to them, they are probably lying. It can and has happened to the best of us – even me. As I’ve grown older, I welcome being by myself and having the peace, comfort and satisfaction of just loving my space; coupled with a happy appetite of self-esteem.   

Some people think single women like to run around with every Tom, Dick and Harry. That’s far from the truth. If single women have everything they need, like their own home, a job, car, good friends, are financially secured and love themselves, what else do they need?

Please don’t get me wrong. If they can find decent partners in this big, bad world, that’s an added bonus. Until then, single life is my best bet.

Some married women like to make single women feel less than they because they aren’t married. My advice to single women is, don’t get married because everyone else is doing it. Do it only if you want to.

Some married women don’t tell you the real truth about married life. Like my sister once stated, “it can be misery”. Some women want to see you miserable like they are. Why do you think some of them cheat?  

Therefore, to all you single women, enjoy your single lives. Married life is not a bed of roses. If you want to please your husband you have to do things you don’t want to just to keep the peace.

– Mars

Dear Mars,

Thanks for your response. However, I must state that there are still good, happy, fulfilling marriages out there. God created marriage and whatever He creates is good. He does not make mistakes.

The thing is that He has given human beings the ability to make choices and sometimes we mess up badly.

Again, thanks for taking time to respond.