I CONFESS: Hard choice of lover, husband
“Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool . . . .”
That’s the story of my life nowadays . . . except that I don’t really feel like a fool, to be honest.
I can’t believe that at this stage of my life this is what is happening to me but still I smile.
My life took a drastic turn five years ago when even though I was happily married to the love of my life, I met another man who I quickly became friends with.
Let me first say that I was not looking. Like I said, I am married and I am happy. My marriage isn’t perfect but I am still in love with my husband. He is a good guy and a good father. He takes care of me and our children and works hard to put food on the table. He still pays attention to me and our lovemaking is still off the chart. Yes, he still makes my toes curl when he just even kisses me.
The man who now has some of my attention is younger – seven years younger than I am. He is single and he doesn’t have children. We started out as friends and I really enjoyed his conversations because he always had a funny story to tell. He would listen to me too when I tell my stories about my day, my colleagues and about life in general.
We never ventured into talking about our private lives although he did know that I am married with children. Our friendship then grew and developed over time and I found myself looking forward to our meeting times and our conversations. We would usually hook up for a drink after work or sometimes on weekends.
That went on for some time but then it hit me hard like a ton of bricks how much I actually cared for him when he told me he was starting to see someone.
I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt jealous. I just couldn’t understand what was happening but then realized I was in love with this guy.
I agonised over my feelings and I felt guilty because I had no right to feel that way because I was married.
It took me two months before I came clean and told my friend how I felt. It took everything out of me to build up the nerve to tell him that I loved him.
I remember the day I did because I told him I had something to tell him and we went for drinks. When I blurted it out, he told me he loved me and had fallen in love with me for some time.
I was in shock.
That night we made passionate love and never looked back. Night after night I found myself staying out later and later just to be with my lover.
It was exciting, but don’t think for one minute that I love or loved my husband any less. In fact I love him even more I think.
Being with my lover doesn’t take away from what I feel for my husband and it doesn’t take away from my love and devotion to my children.
I have learned to juggle and balance my time and energy because I don’t want to give up either of them.
I have come to realise that I love them both – not equally – but I definitely love them and I don’t want to lose the affection of either.
I don’t plan to give up one of them either just to conform with society.
I know people will frown on what I am doing but I don’t care because I know I am not hurting anyone. I want them both in my life and I believe strongly that I am a better woman for it.
Society’s dictate is that I should only have my husband or I should leave my husband if I can’t break it off with my lover. I don’t plan to conform and in this case I believe society is wrong.
I can have two lovers in my life and I will.
Say what you want to say but I am happy with my two loves.
That’s my confession.