DEAR CHRISTINE: Is not wanting children selfish?
I have been married for four years now and my husband has started expressing the wish to have a child.
This is very upsetting as I made it quite clear before we were married that I never wanted any children. He did say then that he felt I would change my mind.
Now I am getting pressure from his sisters and a few of our friends to have a baby. Christine, when I see other women with their babies I still have no longing whatsoever for one.
My husband is not among those who are actually pressuring me, but I can gather from what he says from time to time, that he is hoping I’ll change my mind.
He also makes a fuss over other people’s children.
Am I being selfish?
– L. S.
Dear L. S.,
I honestly cannot say that you are being selfish. You were fair to your husband in that you told him before you were married you did not have a desire for children. If he accepted your decision then, it would be unfair of him now to back down on his acceptance.
However, what I will tell you is that you will have to work on this problem before it ruins your marriage. If your husband has had a change of heart – and that can happen – then you may need to revisit this issue and see how best to deal with it.
Who knows? You may in time desire to have a child, or at least adopt one if you do not wish to become pregnant.
In the meantime, get rid of the family pressure by telling them you do not think it is time to start a family. I’m hoping though you’ll do some serious thinking if you are convinced your husband would like a child.
Babies have a way of winning you over once they are yours.