LOOKA LEW: Horned by a dog?
The next time you hear a woman say that her man is a real jackass, or a good dog, or a real goat, don’t doubt her. Seriously, I telling wunna, that nowadays when you hear a woman say her man is an animal in bed, she could be actually telling the truth.
Cause, according to Curtis Thompson, who is the head of the Animal Control Unit, it ain’t only men who interfering with animals, but women too. Yesss, the gentleman say that women ‘bout in Barbados having sex with horses, donkeys and dogs and all manner of four-footed beasts.
However, he warned wunna, saying that by having sex with animals you could be exposed to all kinda diseases, including rabies, worm infection, and leptospirosis. But I know some women gine laugh, and say that them does be exposed to those same kinda diseases and even more when having sex with some men too.
Anyhow, so fellas, it now gone from bad to worse, one time you had to worry ‘bout a man horning you, and that was bad enough, cause you had to keep an eye on your best friend, your brother, the postman and especially them fellas she does tell you “oh he?. . . he is just a friend”.
Then all of a sudden you hear that women gotting women, so apart from the fellas who you had to keep your eyes on, you now had to worry ‘bout your sister thiefing your woman, or one of her female friends horning you.
But my gosh now, I got water in my eyes typing this, you mean to tell me that men now have to worry ‘bout the donkey on the pasture next door horning them too?
You mean to tell me, it is now possible, that as a man, you could now get horn by Rover the dog you got at home?
You mean to tell me, that the dog you got home to guard the property and look after things, actually looking after things in trute?
Seriously, you telling me, it is now possible, for a man to be feeding a dog, sending it to the vet, making sure it well groomed, got it living in the house, and this dog wringing some horns in him?
You mean to tell me, that when the woman say she taking the dog to get the paw nails filed, that she really doing it so the dog wouldn’t scratch her when them making love? This thing got me real offset.
And I know, that sometimes, so a fella wouldn’t study the horns he getting and put a rope around his neck, he does go in the rum shop, order a pint nuh half rum, drink all and start crying, while telling the other fellas in the shop how he come and catch his woman in bed with a man.
And the fellas would drink some rum and console him, cause them ain’t want he go home and kill the woman or do nothing foolish to himself. But could you imagine a man gine home and catching his madam in bed with a dog? Not even a big breed dog, but a “stuff bin tilter” – a salmon tot retriever. How you gine tell the boys in the rum shop that the same dog who does pull ‘bout the garbage in the neighbourhood now horning you?
I serious, this thing hurting my head, cause I just stand and imagine, that when a man getting horned by the village ram, it could actually be the village ram.