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Too early for marriage talk


Too early for marriage talk

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Dear Christine,

last January I met a young woman with whom I started to form a relationship. This woman does not work and has three children to support. The children’s father ran off and left her with the children.

Christine, even though they are not my children, I spend my money on them. She has asked me to marry her and has told me that she loves me.

The thing is Christine, I cannot trust her. I like her a lot but I think she gets friendly too quickly and I have only known her less than a year. While she wants marriage, I am just not sure if I should marry her. Do you think it is right to marry her at this point, after meeting her just ten months ago?

Another problem I have is with her family. Each month there are quarrels over the payment of utility bills. I seem to get the worst of it all, as she calls on me to help pay these bills. I cannot stand this anymore. I also have to give my mother money to help with the children and look out for myself. Does this seem fair?

Please advise me.

– T.J.


Dear T.J.,

It may appear as though you are dealing with a multiplicity of problems, but from where I sit, you are not.

First, you need to put a pause on that relationship with that woman, who may see you simply as a cash cow. What other reasons would there be for her to be calling on you to pay utility bills at her mother’s home when you don’t even live there? How were these bills being paid before you came into the picture?

It is also obvious to me that if you really love her, you’ll know deep down in your heart that you want to spend the rest of your life with her. In other words, there would be no need to ask me if you should marry her?

I can see you have serious doubts about her even though you are doing everything possible to help her and the children. No wonder she finds you lovable and would like to marry you.

I would want to do the same thing if I were in her position and a nice, kind-hearted man like you came along.

You seem to be a good person. Don’t fall into any trap. Stop and think. If you cannot stand this anymore, then maybe you should just quit and be at peace with yourself.