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LOOKA LEW: Mosquitoes dread


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LOOKA LEW: Mosquitoes dread

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Chickengotyuh or chikUngunya, I don’t care what it name, I would prefer to slide down the edge of a 40ft razor blade naked as I born and pull brakes with my gonads, before I catch that disease.

The way how I hear people talking ’bout this thing and how it had them brek up, tells me it ain’t nothing sweet to have and that I must either kill or at least make friends with every mosquito I meet, because let’s face it, it is easier to get goat milk from a lizard than to kill a mosquito.

Nowadays, these things only deading from old age, ’cause the insecticides don’t seem to be working.

These days for you to kill one single mosquito, you have to wait til it sleeping, sneak up on it and hit it hard with a hammer and run.

Seriously, I have never seen anything so in my life. Some of these mosquitoes so damn big they don’t fly, them does walk, and they walking with bad man attitude; they walking slow with them hands in them pockets, head cock on a side, and with a cigarette in the corner of them mouth. I tell you them get bold, they ain’t frighten no more.

Imagine you go pushing a door to open and it ain’t moving, when you check to see why the door aint moving, you see a big mosquito standing up behind the door stopping it from opening, that is what gine on ’bout here.

Listen, one time a mosquito had a pointy thing like a injection needle it used to stick you with and suck out the blood. They upgrade now. They got teeth, and they does walk with a hose and a mug. They does bite you, juck in the hose and full up the mug.

And if you sleeping that fella gine stop there and sell blood to other mosquitoes who too lazy to bite you.

But, of course, my boys down in the shop having some fun with the topic.

One of my buddies said he was sleeping, and bout 2 o’clock in the morning he heard a rummaging in the kitchen, so he slid his cutlass from under the bed and rushed into the kitchen, when he got in there he saw a bareback mosquito wearing one of his boxers, with a frying pan warming up some food.

And when he peep in the living room, he saw two other mosquitoes lying down on the carpet watching TV.

But in all seriousness, I was in the supermarket recently looking for some insecticide to buy, and I met this man who told me that he heard mosquito coil does work. He then proceeded to buy four different brands of mosquito coil, he said he gine light all four and hope them confuse the mosquitoes.

Listen, I didn’t tell him anything, but unless all that smoke give the mosquitoes an asthma attack, he will burn down that house first before he kills one mosquito, ’cause them fellas does urinate on the mosquito coils and out them.

By the way, a lady told me to rub my skin with citronella oil to keep away the mosquitoes, but I don’t like that cause it got a strong odour and does got you smelling like you working obeah.

I was also told to get some clove, soak it in alcohol for a few days and rub my skin. So as soon as I find out where the mosquitoes hide the clove, I will try that one.

See ya.

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