Dear John,
PLEASE help me. I am a mature woman in my late 40s. I am single. I have my own home and I am reasonably well settled financially.
But John, I am attracted to a young man who has just entered his 30s. In fact, physically I am old enough to be his mother.
Over the years I have dated older men, but I have never found a man as mature and serious minded as this youngster. He is building a house, he manages money well and he is well qualified academically.
To be honest I have fallen in love with him, and this is not based on sexuality. He is young and full of life but he is not selfish, he is always willing to give to others, to be of assistance to older folk and to people who are in need of help.
John, a few of my girlfriends call me a cougar and say I am robbing the cradle. I am physically fit and in good health. Is there any reason why as a woman of 48 I should not love a man at 31?
He and I have discussed our age difference and he does not see anything wrong with our relationship. I think he has fallen in love with me. He is caring, supportive and thinks more of my welfare than his.
Please tell me John, what should I do?
– UNSURE OLDER WOMAN
DEAR UNSURE OLDER WOMAN,
It is extremely difficult for me to give you a clear and definite answer. The only thing I can do is to point out what you both should consider as you discuss your position and approach your decision-making.
Socially, culturally and traditionally there is nothing wrong and there are usually no problems if a man of 50 marries a woman of 30. However, when the position is reversed and a woman of 50 marries a man of 30, as the years roll on there is going to be need for considerable adjustments and the couple will have to exercise maturity.
Consequently, I would appreciate if you consider the following:
(1) For analytical purposes use 20 years as the difference between you both. Consider what difference there may be in outlook, expectations, experiences, desires and overall interests as you both grow older. Now at 30-50, but think of 40-60, 50-70, 60-80.
(2) Is he arousing you romantically or maternally? Do you intend to be life partners? Does he want to be a father? How would you react if in ten or 15 years he is attracted to a younger woman?
(3) Marriage is a merger of families.
What is or will be the reaction of your two families when you formally become a couple?
Personally I do not think there should be any problem in your relationship if you love and care for each other.
You can argue that age is just a number. Good luck.
– JOHN
