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DEAR CHRISTINE: Lonely now that I’ve gone good

Dear Christine

DEAR CHRISTINE: Lonely now that I’ve gone good

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Dear Christine,

I was very promiscuous for a while. I was not happy and so I stopped. I decided I would change and not be that way anymore. It was a hard decision for me to make and it took a long time.

The trouble is, now I am lonely and afraid I might go back to my old ways. Then, at least, I felt that people wanted me. I know I need advice, because my problem is that I cannot find anyone who wants me for me and not for my body.

– B.B.

Dear B.B.,

I think you can change the way you say “I cannot find anyone who just wants me, and not just my body”.

It’s quite okay to be loved for one’s self and one’s body too. For you right now, it is a question of being wanted and needed while taking some time before getting sexually involved.

After all those years of being promiscuous, don’t you want to settle down? Why think about just being sexually involved and looking for someone to love you and your body when you can consider doing the right thing and perhaps look for love and sex within marriage? Just a thought!

Perhaps with such a change of thought, your desire to return to your “old ways” will become less of a desire and you’ll seek a more wholesome, fulfilling relationship.

If you need additional advice, you should perhaps find a pastor, counsellor or priest and share your problem with him or her.

Members of the clergy are used to lonely people and can talk to you, not just once but perhaps weekly, reinforcing your resolution to avoid casual sex and find other rewarding ways to relate to people.

It is important to have talks about your situation fairly often for a while. One dose of advice is not enough – regular reinforcement is necessary.

It is also important for you to make friends for company, talk and share things other than sex. Look for that kind of friendship among co-workers or wherever you see the possibility. If going to the clergy is uncomfortable for you, get in touch with a social worker.

Incidentally, neither your letter nor the envelope it came in reveals your sex. How many readers out there believe this letter was from a woman? I certainly did, but it could also be from a man. Either way, I hope the advice given is heeded.