DEAR CHRISTINE: Sex before Christmas or he’ll move on
I am a regular reader of your column and I do appreciate the way you help people in solving their problems. Now here is one I would like you to solve.
I am in love with a boy who is 25. I am 18 years old. I have known him for the past three years and he has great respect for me.
However, recently he started to bring up the idea of having sex and has tried forcing me into it twice, but nothing has happened.
He is now telling me that if I do not agree with him, he will have cause to see someone else.
I love this guy very much and I know he loves me, but there’s one thing I am afraid of and that is that after having sex with me, he will want to leave me and also lose interest in me.
He is the first male I’ve ever had real feelings for. I’ve told him that we could have all the sex in the world after we are married but he insisted we should have it before Christmas or else he will look for someone else.
I do not want this to happen, but at the same time I am afraid of having sex because I have set certain standards, and I am from a decent family and have been taught the importance of keeping myself for my husband.
He is also from a decent family aand they would like to see us married.
Please, Christine, I need your advice. I want to do the right thing but I don’t want to lose him.
How can I keep him and still not live outside of my beliefs?
You must stick to your beliefs. If he cannot understand what you stand for, then he is not the one for you.
Furthermore, there is no guarantee that he will be around after you have had sex with him. There is also no guarantee that there will be any wedding bells.
As a matter of fact, it’s more likely that if you do go along with his demands, there won’t be any.
If he continues to pressure you after Christmas has come and gone and he wants to move on, wish him “adios” and let him go.
It should be a clear indication to you if this happens that he does not have your best interest at heart and is only concerned about his sexual needs.
At the end of the day, the choice is up to you. You may be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Sticking to your principles will make the most sense. It’s the safest place to be right now.