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FAMILY FUSION: The pornography sniper


Reverend Haynesley Griffith

FAMILY FUSION: The pornography sniper

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Where the roots of private virtue are diseased, the fruit of public probity cannot but be corrupt. – Felix Adler

Pornography has become a multibillion-dollar business today, affecting and infecting every stratum of society.

Psychology Today says that “pornography, more commonly referred to as porn, consists of sexually explicit material intended to sexually arouse”.  

Porn in all of its forms is a sneaky, slimy, subtle “sniper” that has a way of unearthing mankind’s animal nature and luring many into its web of wickedness. Then with a slow and persistent strangling hold, it moves in for the kill.  Numerous marriages and families have not been able to resist the alluring and secret nature of this enemy of family life, and because of its infecting power, many have suffered premature death.  

Last week I looked at the cellphone “sniper” and its impact on the family. Today I shall be exposing the devious and deadly nature of the pornography “sniper” and its threat to the home and society. A sniper is described by The World Book Dictionary as “a hidden sharpshooter”.  

In her November 2005 report to the US Senate’s hearing on Pornography’s Impact On Marriage And The Family, psychotherapist Dr Mary Ann Layden said: “Pornography damages the sexual performance of the viewers . . . . Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being. Pornography is raising their expectation and demand for types and amounts of sexual experiences; at the same time it is reducing their ability to experience sex.”  

I am coming across too many spouses, the greater percentage being men, who have lost all sexual interest in their spouses. A close investigation revealed that some of these spouses were having a continual love affair with “the Internet pornography sniper”, who seduced them into the dark corners of their electronic devices and then paralysed their sexual desires for their spouses.  

In 2001, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers said that in 68 per cent of divorces taking place, pornography was the leading factor. It also highlighted that in 56 per cent of divorces, one spouse had “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites”. This revelation is extremely startling and it shows the length that this sniper will go to destroy family life.  

I know of marriages that were permanently shattered because of pornography seeping into the matrimonial home. Some spouses told me that they started out innocently glancing at the lewdness and slowly began to develop an appetite for it, until they became addicted. The sinister nature of this sly sniper is seen in its ability to attach itself to numerous Internet sites and make its presence felt even when you are seeking legitimate information on the Web.  

I remember searching for some data for a project with the hope of getting some wholesome information, but instead numerous naked men and women appeared on my screen. It was disgusting, and the challenging thing about it was, the more I tried to get rid of the smut, more links appeared with more sickening photos. I then made a decision to quickly shut off the computer. I have developed a hatred and a zero tolerance for such sordid material because of what I have seen it do and continue to do to marriages and families of all walks of life, including children and adolescents.

Words such as betrayed, angry, worthless, disappointed, hurt, sad, discarded, are just a few of the diverse expressions partners use to describe how they feel when they discover that their significant other has fallen into the vice-grip of the pornography sniper. Some spouses begin looking at themselves as less than valuable, and often start to blame themselves for their partner’s cyber affair. Many years ago, a wife said that her husband seemed to be permanently married to Internet pornography and she was not prepared to be in that triangle. The pornography sniper promotes discord and disunity in the family and devalues the beauty of sexual intimacy as designed by a holy God.

A multiplicity of reasons can be identified for a spouse giving pornography an opportunity to secretly charm him or her into its attractive cesspool. Once in its strong, seductive arms, this sniper will then progressively proceed to suck every ounce of moral juice out of you, your marriage, wider family and other relationships. This family life assassin, however, is stoppable.

God the originator, lover and protector of marriage and family, tells us in His manual, the Bible, that there are only three things that govern this wicked world system that is opposed to His moral laws: the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life, and warns us not to develop a love for them (1 John 2:15-17).  Let us examine them:

a. Lust of the flesh makes reference to the inborn sinful nature of mankind that is inclined to pursue what is morally wrong.

b. Lust of the eyes talks about seeing, desiring and acting on what is morally wrong.  

c. Pride of life speaks of those who trust in their own power and who despise God’s laws.

You have been given the freedom of choice; you can choose not to allow your animal nature to nurture you, your eyes to entice you, or pride to propel you. Without your cooperation, the pornography sniper becomes powerless to release its deadly poison into the arteries of your marriage, family and other relationships. Don’t give it any approval to get into the space of your relationships.

Fortunately, the greatest lethal power against this despicable means of sexual satisfaction is the power of God. I know of husbands and wives who said that they were stripped of their dignity and self-worth because of porn, but regained their self-respect, sanity and spouses by praying and asking God to destroy the craving for porn in their lives, and He did. Make no room for the pornography sniper; destroy it!    

Reverend Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant. Email [email protected]

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