DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t give in to the pressure, H.P.
I am writing with regard to the letter published in your column of November 19 under the headline Sex Before Christmas Or He Will Move On, and signed by H.P. Permit me to offer some advice to this young lady.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to make this guy stay if he does not want to. If he loves you like he says he does, then he would wait and not pressure you to have sex. Sex won’t make him stay either. I gave up my virginity ten years ago, when I was just a year older than you. To this day, I regretted that I didn’t wait until marriage. It’s not worth it.
Earlier this year, I met a guy who seemed like the perfect deal. He was polite, caring, attentive – everything a woman can want. Eventually, the requests for sex started. I explained to him the trust issues I have with men because of all my terrible experiences in the past. Despite this, he continued to badger. Against my better instinct, I gave in for the sake of the relationship and because I believed his words of love.
Before two weeks had passed, he had no more time for me. He was always busy. I eventually found out he was seeing someone else. It was this same man who looked me in the eye, said he loved me and promised not to hurt me. By the grace of God alone I was able to pull myself together and put on a brave outward appearance. Inside, it still tears me up.
My advice to H.P. is to hold to your beliefs and values. Do not let anyone – no matter who they are – tell you otherwise. If this man cannot wait on you, then let him go. He cannot truly love you if he is issuing you with such an ultimatum.
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond, and specifically, for sharing from your own experiences.