Dear Christine,
I have read your column every day for the past 20 years since coming back to Barbados. I hope you can help me.
I have been in love with a man for some time now. He is married and has been for the past six years. I know his wife only from seeing her and have realised that she can be considered a “nice woman”.
I do not want to hurt her but I love her husband very much and I know he loves me.
The problem which exists right now is that he wants me to have a child with him because his wife cannot have children. He has spent large sums of money trying to solve this problem but he has been told over and over again she will never get pregnant.
He has been telling me for the past two years since we have been seeing each other, that he wants us to have a life together and he wants me to be the mother of his children.
He says he loves me and will divorce her since he wants us to spend the rest of our lives together.
Please tell me if I should marry this man. I love him and while we can move abroad and live, I do not want to hurt his wife.
– M.G.
Dear M.G.,
I am having a hard time understanding what you are telling me.
My take is this: If you do not want to hurt his wife, then leave the woman’s husband alone. Do you think that by saying you do not want to hurt her will make your current actions any more acceptable or easy?
If you really did not want to hurt this woman, you would have sent this man packing when he approached you – or you approached him and realised he was married.
A man will pursue a woman only if she permits his attention, so please don’t try to give me the impression that you are some saint by reason of your statement that you do not want to hurt his wife.
I wonder if this man did not at some time tell his wife that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
Furthermore, what guarantee do you have that after giving him children, you’ll be able to hold him?
Don’t you think he may turn around and tell some other woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with her too?
How many lives does he plan to have?
As far as I am concerned, your story is simply a different script, same crap.
You know what you have to do, so just do it. Leave this woman’s husband alone.
End of story.
– CHRISTINE
