Don’t want to marry a woman with children

Dear Christine,

I hope you are well and please keep up the good work. I am in trouble and need your help.

I met a woman three years ago and we became friends. This friendship has since developed into a relationship.

I am 29 years old and she is 24. We sleep together and it is kind of difficult to leave her. She is a very nice woman who cooks and washes for me.

Many times I have been unfaithful to her. Sometimes I strike her but she would not leave me.

Christine, sometimes I tell her I do not care about her and she still won’t leave me.

She has two children whom I love a lot and many times she has asked me to marry her. Each time I have refused. I told her my parents would not approve of me marrying a woman with children.

On many occasions I have suggested we leave each other and she told me she cannot leave just so. Despite other things, I treat her very well. I buy clothes for her and every weekend she gets almost all of my salary.

Often I tell her I do not love her but consciously I do because some time last year we were separated and I missed her. I used to think about her. One day she came back to me and told me that since we parted, she could not sleep. I really do not want to marry a woman with children because we may have problems.

Please tell me what to do?

– S

Dear S,

I am having a little difficulty finding out who you really are.

You hooked up yourself with a woman who has two children but you do not want to marry her based on your parents’ beliefs.

You treat her like scum, verbally and physically abuse her, then have the gall to ask me what you should do? 

The truth is, I feel it would be risky for this woman to marry you simply due to the fact that you spell trouble with a capital “T”.

How dare you think that giving a woman material things means that you care about her? Your actions are really seriously contrary to those of someone who is in love with another.

What you are really doing is finding pleasure in being in control; so much so that she has become dependent on you in quite a few ways.

I have no doubt that you missed her when you were apart. You missed her cooking, having your clothes kept clean and all else she does to make life pleasant for you.

You don’t seem able to arrive at a judgement yourself about this woman since you are influenced by your family’s view that you ought not to marry her because she has children.

Do they have a problem with her washing, cooking and cleaning for you? I doubt very much! She can perform these menial duties but she is not good enough for you to marry?

The truth is, you ought not to marry her. She will probably live a life a life of abuse, hurt and pain, based on what you have told me you’ve already put her through.

I hope she will try to get over you because I feel it is just a matter of time before you leave her altogether.

If staying means doing the things you’ve admitted to doing, then I hope she realises that she is paying too heavy a price for the pleasure of your company.

It’s just not worth it.

– CHRISTINE