LOOKA LEW: Eating everything

He asked me, “Lew, you would eat dog?” I said yes. He then ask me, “What about cat?”

I said I would eat that too, and not only that, but if I butt up on dinosaur or dragon I eating them too, cause I don’t make sport when I hungry. So long as it cook and I got li’l hot sauce, I would eat anything.

Now all these questions came about because the man saw me with a roti the size of a telephone directory. No lie, the roti was big, big, big, and it only cost $5. Yes, $5!

And you know that nowadays the average roti from these fast food places ain’t no bigger than a matchbox, them expensive as hell and when you buy a beef and potato roti you does get two lil pieces o’ beef (if you lucky), or most of the times you does get something like mash potato and corn beef gravy mix up.

So when the man saw my roti, he was amazed at the size and the price, so he ask me where I got it from and what it got in. I told him it was a beef and potato roti.

The man start to laugh and tell me that it could never got in beef. So I placed it on a plate and unwrapped it, revealing the lovely chunks of curry beef.

The man’s eyes open wide. He laughed even louder before telling me that there was no way I could get so much beef for a $5 roti, it would have to be dog. Which didn’t bother me at all, ’cause even if it was dog I was still eating it; I ain’t throwing away my money. But, I know beef. A cow butt me one time, so I know beef.

Anyhow, I asked him if he wanted piece, and he said no, that he was afraid if he ate any he might start barking.

Now he could not believe that the lady I bought the roti from would be willing to give value for money and make a li’l something for herself, instead of looking to make a killing. As far as he was concerned, she had to be doing something underhand – she had to be using dog or cat.

I mean to say, a couple decades ago, there was a rumour that a certain man was selling dog rotis in Town. And I ain’t telling no lie, you used to get a lot of meat for your money, and nuff Bajans used to eat them. Till, rumour has it, that one time a health inspector opened one of his fridges and found a dog tail and that was the end of that.

Look, a lot of wunna does eat corn beef, and as far as I concern that could be anything. When them fellas in them far-off countries grinding up beef and a rat fall in the pot I don’t think them gine throw way all that meat. Do you?

So I don’t worry ’bout nothing so; I eating. But I know them got people that when they go in a restaurant they ain’t want no stir-fry chow mein nor nothing so. If them can’t get a chicken leg, them ain’t eating nothing; them like to see bones they could recognise.

So far I have eaten snails, monkey, alligator, frog, ’guana and all kinda wild meats, and I ain’t dead yet. And I always say, if you could eat pig you could eat anything – and I love me some pork. See ya.

Email: madderic@hotmail.com