I CONFESS: Betrayed by the one I loved
I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN with three children. I have all I need to make me happy – a job, my own vehicle and I pay rent. However, with the steady increases in the prices of everything in Barbados, things are tight, but I get by.
There is just one element missing from life – a partner who would truly love me and my children as if they were his. We’re a package and I will never compromise on that.
The problem is finding a man with the qualities I’m looking for. He must be loving, handsome, physically active and have a steady, rewarding job.
I have had a few heartaches in relationships, but I believe there are still good men out there and I trust that good luck and love could still come my way.
For me therefore, the man in my life should be one I can unreservedly give my love to and he reciprocates. We must respect each other as individuals with different views, friends and interests.
I am fully aware that there are few men out there who are totally dedicated to one woman, so all I want is someone who has enough respect for me that if he steps out he is discreet about it, protects himself, and chooses someone who respects themselves and others.
I feel women should not demean themselves by blackguarding other women over a man. When a woman gets involved with a man who has a woman she should be sensible enough to realise that the man is usually just out for sex – this is particularly true of married men. Few of them ever leave their wives for other women.
If the man is living with his girlfriend or has a visiting relationship with her, then the outside woman may stand a chance of getting him for herself. But even then, when you get a man by wicked means, you normally lose him in the same way.
You see, my former boyfriend strayed with a woman. I don’t know what he promised her, but she obviously thought their relationship had a future because she would call his cellphone even after he reached home.
He used to keep the conversations brief, but because of the soft way he spoke, I realised he was trying to conceal something. After a few days of this I confronted him about it and told him that I felt he was up to something and he should come clean. Being a typical man, he denied anything was amiss.
For nearly four weeks afterwards he changed his routine. He came home early every evening from work and switched off his phone as soon as he got home.
Even though he changed and those evenings were like no other we had had before, it was still clear to me that something was not quite right. Maybe it was because he seemed to be trying so hard to relax.
I had a feeling all was not well.
I was right.
One weekend a woman came to our house and when I answered the door she introduced herself as his “friend”. She asked for him and when I told him he had a visitor he came to the door but was speechless when he saw the woman standing there.
She told him how disappointed she was in him after he convinced her he was unattached and he loved her, got her to let her guard down and let him into her bed. Then she burst out crying loudly, asking him how he could treat her so badly and saying how much she loved him.
I was stunned.
He tried his best to hush her. I could not believe what I was seeing and hearing.
She was obviously hurt and felt betrayed, so the more he tried to hush her up, the more she resisted, all the while getting louder.
And I did not escape her wrath.
She turned her focus on me and began cursing me for trapping “her man”.
I had had enough. I told her to get off my property, and told him to pack up and leave too.
Needless to say, I was in tears.
I was so cut up by what he did.
I was so embarrassed and angry. How could he do this to me after all we did together?
This is just a small bit of the hell men put women through. They would never like us to do it to them.