THERE ARE TOO MANY people in this world who are not genuine.
You can never be sure if people do things for you because they expect something in return, or if they are kind to you because they care about you as an individual.
This is a particularly big problem for women because kindness from some men is their way of getting closer to you with a relationship in mind. This happens every day.
Some men give and are upfront about what they expect in return; but most men give with the expectation of getting something – though they don’t say so and would sometimes try to pretend that they are your friends and have no interest in being like that.
But lo and behold, sometime later they come with a story about their feelings and how insensitive you are not to take them on when they have been there for you all the while.
I make this point because of personal experience. The man who I eventually fell in love with and had a child with is such a person. He did whatever he could to get me into his life and to be intimate with me.
After we had a brief affair and I tried to get out of the relationship because he eventually told me he was married and my life with him was a lie, he kept the pressure on to keep me with him. I was weak and stupid, so I remained with him and eventually got pregnant.
From the time that happened, his attitude changed. Instead of getting regularly visits from him on week nights, I would hardly see him.
And instead of collecting me from work on evenings, he just stopped, claiming that he didn’t want the talk to get back to his wife that he had somebody pregnant. And when I asked him if she didn’t already know he was in a relationship with me – as he had been coming for me at work for more than two years – all he said was that she would “forgive a horn”, but not a child.
So all along he used me for his pleasure, but when I needed him to be there for me, he wasn’t. Equally bad was the way he threw the whole blame on me for getting pregnant, as if I could do it by myself.
From the time I told him I was pregnant all the sweet talk and liming disappeared. Since he could not convince me to get an abortion, he gave me some money that he thought would be enough to cover certain costs and told me that I would have to make do with that for doctor’s visits, tests, new clothes, any medication, and everything else.
He just washed his hands of me because I became pregnant.
Things got so bad that when I called his cellphone he would not answer. So for the first time in years I decided to call his house and ask for him. After that, he made sure he took my calls, but it was clear he cared nothing about me; I was just a bother.
So at six months pregnant I decided to forget about him. I went ahead and had my child and even though he knew when the baby was due, he never once called and checked to see if I was okay.
Holidays came and went and he never once called to hear me or see his child.
No matter how I try, this affair is very hard to forget. I am talking about this now because my little girl celebrated her first birthday and her second is coming up and he has never even seen her; neither has he sent anything for her or even called me to say anything.
What hurts me is that I loved this man so much that I went against my spiritual beliefs and my family’s warnings and got involved with him.
We women have to be careful in whom we put our trust.
He was my world, but it is clear now that I was just somebody to play with.
My mother thinks I should put him before the court for maintenance, but I won’t do that. I just pray God will give me good health and strength to take care of my daughter myself.
I want people who take advantage of others to know that they always pay for their sins in the end. (NA)
