DEAR CHRISTINE: I WRITE TO YOU depressed and urgently in need of advice. I have been living with a man for nearly three years now.
We have no children together, but he has of his own. We have been going through some real financial challenges recently and this causes me to quarrel with him very often.
He says I put him under a lot of stress by quarrelling all the time but, Christine, I am tired of living in poverty. We usually sleep together each night but recently he has been spending lots of time with his male friends. He sleeps by them and comes home in the mornings.
He does not call or say anything. Sometimes he leaves home, says he will be back soon, does not call, and returns the next day. He hardly spends time with me anymore and does not take me out.
For the past several months it has been from one male friend to another male friend. I think it is ridiculous, especially, since some of his friends have families of their own.
Do you think it’s best for me to leave, or should I stay? He is always telling me that he loves me and I love him with all my heart but it’s overbearing now.
– TIRED OF WAITING
Dear Tired Of Waiting:
The main problem you seem to face in your relationship is a lack of communication.
Quarrelling will not help. I think your friend may be spending lots of time away from you because of the quarrelling and, perhaps, nagging. Talk with each other. Don’t quarrel.
If you both confess to loving each other, why can’t you sit down and work through how you can help each other through the financial situation, which is clearly putting a strain on your relationship?
You have not mentioned if both of you are working but you may have to cut back on non-essentials to live above board in these tough economic times.
I am not one for couples living together before marriage. Have you discussed marriage at all?
You ask if you should leave.
My advice to you would be to put some space between yourself and him and see where the relationship goes from there. If it means returning home on your part and this can be done, then do it.
The mere fact that he is sleeping away from home indicates that he wants some space.
If you truly love each other, you’ll be able to rise above the obstacles, but you must be willing to talk openly and honestly about your current situation. Also, if possible, you should both seek the professional advice of a personal financial advisor.
You should be able to do so through your bank.
– CHRISTINE
