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I CONFESS: Pastor a dictator, not leader


I CONFESS: Pastor a dictator, not leader

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I AM A VERY depressed, frustrated and misunderstood young man, and though my parents are Christians, they can offer me no help.

I have just turned 20 years old and I have yet to make one decision unknown to them or my pastor. Everything is discussed with this man, whom I have grown to dislike.

Two years ago when I wanted to pursue studies in a certain area, the pastor was able to convince them that I was not ready for that, and that I should go back to school.

In the meantime, both his sons and his daughter have pursued similar studies; two have graduated and one will graduate next year.

In addition, his son is the head of our cultural group and youth group. We cannot make any suggestions to the son because his father makes these decisions, right down to the type of costumes we wear.

Recently, the pastor’s wife was involved in a dispute and it was obvious that she was wrong. At the end of the situation, the other person had to worship elsewhere.

I cannot understand why my parents accept everything done at this church. Sometimes we cannot eat a decent meal as they want to give to the extravagant building fund. Once I said that money was being misspent at the church and that locals should be used instead of foreigners. My parents were called in and told that they should not be sparing the rod. I am sick of this church.

Now the pastor is on a new kick. Young girls should not be looking for partners until they are at least 30.

None of his children are married. He therefore has no grandchildren and apparently wants members to follow suit. As a result, a young woman I was courting was told that it was not of God and was encouraged to leave me, which she did.

I am fed up. Young men at our church are almost extinct. They cannot take this man’s nosy, egotistical, self-centred, boastful, arrogant attitude. A gay man might accept it, but not the rest of us.

Young ladies who wear straps, lipstick or high heels are compared to hookers. What does he know about them? Doesn’t he know that young people, especially girls, need to feel appreciated?

If the church cannot be a place of solace, where will young people get it?

He might be saying what he thinks God wants him to say, but he must stop criticising those of us whose relatives don’t go to his church.

Regularly he says we are not living righteous lives – otherwise our families would attend our church. I beg to differ. Most of my family members dislike his attitude.

My parents are brainwashed by this dictatorial man, whose family is in charge of everything, whose family travels on a whim while the rest of us members must consult him in advance to travel. He organises church gatherings for public holidays and if our parents allow us to go to a school gathering, our parents are disciplined or insulted from the pulpit. No one dares say a word.

I cannot stay under such dictatorship. As much as I love my parents, I have to remove the scales from my eyes and move on.

I know what the pastor will say to them – they have not trained me well; but that is far from true. They accept what he dishes out week after week to the point that my father is a mouse at church.

But they have trained me not to accept this type of behaviour and I am now acting on my training.