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I CONFESS: Sex, lies and a lot of pain


BARBADOS NATION

I CONFESS: Sex, lies and a lot of pain

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WHY IS IT that some people play games with others’ emotions just for the fun of it?

Why don’t parents try to explain to their children that being intimate with a person does not prove you love them; all it serves is to satisfy that person’s longing to have you in that way?

And why don’t men and women ever realise that just because they love somebody, it does not mean that person has to love them back?

I need people to understand that betrayal, backbiting and downright deceitfulness is what, unfortunately, happens in most relationships.

What I mean is this: You would get a situation where a woman knows she does not like a man, but takes his money, gives him a lot of suggestive talk to lead him on and keep him there, but never goes to bed with him.

Her excuse for not going all the way with him would usually be based on some moral or religious notion. But really all she is doing is keeping him there to bleed him dry of money, and she may even have another man on the side getting all the sweets.

All the while she is doing this she would be reporting back to her girlfriends about what a fool that man is, how easy he is to manipulate and how he is no real man.

All of her friends would then be laughing at that man behind his back, because they would know he is being taken for a ride and he doesn’t know it.

Men play the same games too. We go out with some women for sex only, but have no intention of taking the relationship further.

We do whatever it takes to get the woman to believe we are sincere, including making promises of marriage, or going to look at marriage rings. We get her to do things that she may have never done before, and when we have had our fill, dump her for another woman.

Or, better still, have someone else on her, and when she finds out, tell her we never cared anything about her, and then walk out.

Whether men or women do these things, there are both nasty and despicable. It is wrong to treat another person with such disrespect. It is wrong to make people feel worthless and destroy their self-esteem.

I am appealing to both women and men who do this type of thing to stop it, because life has a way of making you pay for the wickedness you do; and if the bad fortune does not befall you, it hits your children.

I am in a position to say this because of what recently happened to my youngest daughter. She is the third girl I have, and now she, too, has been used by a man like her two older sisters. In each case, all three were deceived by men who just wanted to have a good intimate time and nothing else.

So, while they were thinking that each relationship would lead to marriage and family life, instead they all ended up in tears and disappointment.

All three of my daughters despise men so much today that they have no interest in getting involved with anyone else. The intense feelings they have against men are such that I feel I will die without ever getting a chance to play with a grandson or granddaughter. They just hate men.

In many ways I blame myself for their treatment. I honestly feel that what has happened to them is a case where the sins of the father have fallen on the heads of his children.

What I mean is, when I was a young man I used to play the field. I had women galore and broke many hearts. I did it because I looked good, women liked me and all I was interested in was bedding as many as I could get. My friends and I had bets as to how many different women we could have sex with in a month, and I only lost once. So I wasn’t a sweetbread. I did a lot of damage in my day.

Even when I started living with my children’s mother I continued to run around, though with not as many partners.

The way I figured it, when you have one or two other women you can hang out with anytime, whenever you and the madam have a noise, you don’t have to deal with her. You could just leave the house and go someplace else and get some comfort.

If the madam gets vex and refuses to let you touch her; no problem again. You can go with one of your friends and get your needs satisfied.

But as I matured and grew tired of that life, I gradually stopped that foolishness. With respect for her and the realisation that I was really making myself a poppet, I stopped messing around and lived a decent life.

I have since come to learn that a real man has only one woman and tries to live and work with that woman to build a life together for them and their children. By doing this you spend less money, expend less energy, and have more time to develop yourself and focus on your future.

Having gone through that, I was always protective of my daughters and tried my best to guide them along the right path. And for the most part they took in what I said and were respectful girls. They learnt well at school, were decent and innocent. Then these men came along and defiled them.

I can’t change what happened to them, but things like this would not occur as much if more parents tried to teach their children about being honest and respecting other peoples’ feelings.

In a small country like ours, we just can’t go on hurting each other emotionally for the sake of fun. It’s just not right to do that.

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