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LOOKA LEW: Job interview no-nos

Eric Lewis

LOOKA LEW: Job interview no-nos

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Listen, the same way that if you had a business you ain’t gine hire no idiot to work in it, then common sense would tell you that if you are a full-blown poppet, then it would be easier for you to get goat milk from a lizard first before anybody decides to hire you too. And usually, that first interview gives a pretty good idea as to the percentage of idiot you contain.

Now it is reported that George Mayers, former liaison officer for the Miami-based office which deals with the hotel job attachment programme for Bajans in America, said that more attention should be placed on preparing candidates who are looking for work in American hotels.

He said: “They dress as though they are still at home and they seem not to care about their appearance. They also speak as though Bajan is a language, and a number of them do not get selected because the recruiters have no idea what they are saying.”

He added that some of them had tattoos on unsuitable parts of their bodies, and some wore untidy-looking dreadlocks.

Anyhow, if you are a full-blown poppet and looking for work, let me give you some interview tips.

Dress decent. Do not wear rubber slippers, armhole shirts or short pants. And take the dark shades off your face; you are not applying for the post of robber.

Please remember that earrings in the shape of guns, and tattoos with the words “thug life” and “shotta boss” does got people frighten. And ladies, try not to look like a duppy in a casket, go easy on the make-up.

Get there early. The interviewer is not interested in why you could not get your mother to keep your children, or if your child father was supposed to bring bus fare for you and forgot, or if you went feting the night before and pick up some drinks and overslept.

Do not speak Bajan or cuss. So don’t greet the interviewer by saying, “Wuh gine on boss?” a simple “good morning” would do. Also shake hands, do not attempt to give a knock or high five.

If they ask you a question, the word is “yes” not yeah, and if you have to say “no” then remember that “no” is a two letter word, so do not dragggg it on by saying “noahhhhhh”.

Do not ask your interviewer for permission to plug in your cellphone anywhere to get a li’l charge or to get at least “two bars” on your phone. That is very ghetto, in fact make sure your cellphone is turned off during the interview. In fact leave the damn phone home.

And if it starts to rain, do not ask the interviewer to use their phone to call home to ask someone to pick up the clothes off the line for you. That is also very ghetto.

And ladies, for heaven’s sake, do not start patting your weave during the interview. I know some weaves and braids does got your head itching real bad, and you find yourself rapidly patting your head. Don’t do it, ’cause that too looks very ghetto.

And fellas, unless you are applying for the position of male prostitute, then make sure your pants zip is pulled up at all times.

And of all things, try not to drop to sleep during the interview or ask to use the bathroom, the interviewer is not interested in the hard boil eggs and cheese that you had for breakfast and now got your belly cutting you. See ya.

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