Dear Christine:
I AM AWARE of all the letters you get concerning extra-marital affairs. I have also had a few relationships with married men but there is one I specifically want to speak about.
It took place 12 years ago. This man was not someone I just met; we were friends from school days before he left as a teenager to join his parents overseas. Before he left all we ever did was kiss and hold hands. We never had sex.
However, one day I visited his country and we saw each other as friends still, but we knew that we were still interested in each other.
However, with so many miles between us, we soon stopped communicating as often as we did. He was living his life overseas, while I lived mine here in Barbados.
One day he returned to the island. By then he was married, but I was still single. The love we felt for each other burst forth and we started an affair which lasted for two years. We travelled together and met either in his country or when he came home.
At the time we started seeing each other, he gave me the usual story; he was sorry he hadn’t married me and he was not happy with his wife.
In fact, he said, they were going through some really tough times.
Christine, he always made it a point to call me; sometimes leaving the house in all kinds of weather so he could hear my voice. We were really committed to each other, but I knew there was the question of his wife.
Christine, I was young, naïve and impressionable. I had no reason to believe he was lying to me.
Yes, they were having marital problems and I was the bridge. We always made it a point not to be away from each other for any length of time; even though he was in one country and I was in the other.
When a crisis occurred in both our lives, he informed me one day to start seeing someone if I felt like doing so.
This was the man who used to tell me he loved me whenever we spoke or wrote to each other. This was the man who treated me like a queen.
I could not believe my ears, but he decided the relationship was over and he would stick with his wife. He never said it in words, but by his actions.
It’s been a long time since that relationship ended. We tried keeping in contact, but I was no longer interested in the small talk.
What exactly am I saying? I am saying that when the rubber hits the road; when it looks like things at home are falling apart and that married man has to make a choice, he will choose his wife.
He will choose the place where he is most comfortable. He will decide that after purchasing a home together with his wife, he does not want to start all over again. He will choose his wife because it is the easy way out and he does not want any more responsibility.
He will choose the wife for the children’s sake [if there are any], and he will choose the wife, because his own conscience will tell him that to have an affair is wrong.
Most married men who intend to have an affair will tell you about the wife – about all the problems they are going through, that sex is not good at home, that the wife nags and complains too much and that he made a mistake when he married her. They will have sex with you; wine and dine you, but when a crisis comes, they will return home.
Christine, I don’t need your advice. That is not my reason for writing. I just want women out there to wake up from their slumber.
The married man will hardly leave his wife for you, but he will lie his way into your heart, enjoy his sexual episodes then move on to the next bidder.
When the married men come knocking, close the door – whatever door you know he is trying to break through; in other words, close your legs, and send them home.
By the way, my friend and his wife are still together today, living a seemingly sweet and prosperous life. I hope all readers get the message.
– DD
Dear DD:
Thanks for sharing.
– CHRISTINE
