I CONFESS: Robbed of my innocence
I MET A GUY right after I left high school. It was at his college, where a social was being held for the students.
I went with my sister, who was a student, and not having had much experience with boys I was very shy at first so I stuck close to my sister and two of her female friends with whom I was familiar.
But this guy was a talker. He discussed issues with which I could relate and spent much of the evening talking to me. He offered to dance with me and I refused on numerous occasions until I felt kind of bad turning him down consistently and did have a dance with him – well, it was actually two, back to back.
Even in dancing he was also charismatic, which made it easy for me to connect with him.
When my sister and her friends were ready to leave he wished me goodnight. My sister told him that his girlfriend was not there so he had the opportunity to cool it. He laughed and simply responded, “That’s over; that’s yesterday”.
I was sure I would hardly see him again and that he was just being friendly and wouldn’t want to see me again. But, to my surprise, I received a call three days later from him – that was a Tuesday.
He asked how I was getting through with the project I had been working on. I was attending secretarial school at the time and had a maths project to submit. I was really weak at maths. my sister could not help me, indeed no one at home could, so there I was struggling. He offered to help.
But I remembered what my sister had said to him about his girlfriend. So I politely declined and asked why. He insisted that it was all over. I gave in and he invited me to the college to help with the assignment. Absolutely nothing happened. He was a perfect gentleman.
I had never been in a serious relationship before, having been hastily kissed by two boys before. I liked this guy. he seemed to be what I would expect in a boyfriend. He had all the qualities.
At the time he was 27 and older than me. He called and asked me on the Friday afternoon how the project had been graded. I got an A, which would have ensured that I would be successfully completing the training course. He invited me to come and celebrate the following day, Saturday. I accepted and went along.
This guy had a very warm and pleasant smile, was brown-skinned, spoke with an accent and could do things. He took me to the movies, to a fast food restaurant (at that time still one of the few places affordable for the average income earner) and even invited me to his homeland.
I felt he was “husband material” and saw myself in a long-term relationship, happily married and with two or three children.
He graduated and returned home. A secure job, a family home and loving family and friends. He did have a daughter from a previous relationship, but she took to me and was rather affectionate.
We shared many close and passionate moments.
I did anything and everything to please him. He said it was normal and expected to have sex whether we were in the cinema, at his home, at the college, or wherever he felt the correct time. I simply obliged.
I got pregnant and started talking marriage. My parents were devoted Christians and felt strongly about no children outside of wedlock. They did not agree to my travelling with him before marriage. My mother was livid. I do believe that she went to her grave angry. My father is still alive and I believe it is still on his mind to this day.
After there was no talk of marriage, I decided to terminate the pregnancy. He said he regretted the situation since he wanted for us to have offspring and he cherished the relationship. I got pregnant again, and to show his care and compassion, when I came home to sort out my medical plan with the doctor, he sent me a gift.
The flowers were delivered at home along with a fruit basket and a card. His close pal in Barbados dropped them off. I felt proud and placed the flowers in a vase so my mother and my sister could see them. My brother saw them and said, “Some men real foolish”. I ensured they all saw and enjoyed what was in the fruit basket, then not a popular gift item.
That night, I went into the bedroom, where we had three single beds where all three girls slept. The two boys shared a bedroom and our parents the other. I wanted to tell my sisters about my pregnancy and well I was sure the card would indicate the proposed wedding day. Of course, we would have to be engaged first. There would be a party and all my relations would be there.
I bathed, put on my nightie and climbed into bed. I tore open the envelope and started to read the letter. It simply stated: “I love you, but I don’t want to be in any long-term lockdown relationship. Please use the money in the small enclosed envelope and save us the burden of parenthood at this stage which will not work.” Yes, enclosed in the bigger envelope with the card was a small one with the equivalent of BDS$500.
I burst out crying and had to put my head in the pillow. I stayed in bed for the next 24 hours and when I caught myself realised I had to act fast. I did not want to raise a child on my own. I used the money and did what I had to.
To this day I am not proud of myself or my actions. I still have no children and am very much single. I have put a curse on myself. I recently retired from my job and have long given my soul to the Lord. I am active in church and volunteer in other ways, which I prefer not to mention so as not to bring attention to myself.
My plea to all people out there is not to take advantage of relationships. Yes, it has been happening for a long time and will most likely continue for many more years. But please show Christian character and do the right and honest things. Don’t set out to deliberately hurt people, especially if you claim you love them. Or simply don’t mix up love and lust.
Imagine we adults now condemn and look down on the youth, seeming to forget than we have done some of the said things we now condemn them for doing.
Oh, how the world goes around.