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DEAR CHRISTINE: Hurt by his rudeness


DEAR CHRISTINE: Hurt by his rudeness

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Dear Christine,

BY THE TIME you receive this letter, Mother’s Day would have passed – seeing that this letter is being penned on the Friday before this special day.

It will not be a good day for me if my husband goes through with a plan he has in mind. Right now I need an outlet and the only person  I can think of is you.

I am my husband’s second wife. His first wife died ten years ago and we were married six years later, so for the past four years we have been living as husband and wife. I do not have children of my own but when I met him he was the father of a teenaged son, whom I have nurtured and cared for from the time I met my husband. That son will turn 20 this year.

Here is my real problem. Last week, quite suddenly, my husband’s first mother-in-law telephoned to say she was going to be visiting the island for a week and she wanted to see him and her grandson. I see absolutely nothing wrong with this but here is where the hurt started.

My husband informed me after her call that since Sunday would have been Mother’s Day, he had made arrangements for himself and his son to take his former mother-in-law to lunch. He then told me that since my mum and my sister were going to have lunch at my mother’s home, then I should consider going there also.

Christine, prior to this woman’s call, we had decided to go to lunch with “our son” and then visit my mother.

The mere fact that I was not invited and was told to visit my mother is a slap in the face, but my husband has seen nothing wrong with this. Right now, I am not talking to him and I don’t intend to pretend all is well. Please, am I wrong?

– S.C.


Dear S.C.,

No, you are not wrong. I can understand your hurt and since this letter was written two days before Mother’s Day, I am hoping your husband had a change of heart and either agreed to invite you along (although if I were in your place, I would decline), or that he sincerely apologised and made up for his bad decision.

While I may understand the need for him to see his son’s grandmother, I do not think Mother’s Day was the right time or that he was right to forsake you after making plans to take you to lunch.

Your decision not to speak to him will not make things any easier for either of you. If he apologises or has apologised, forgive him but let him know it must not happen again.