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DEAR CHRISTINE: Friend upset about me getting back with hubby


DEAR CHRISTINE: Friend upset about me getting back with hubby

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MY MARRIAGE fell apart two years ago when I discovered my husband was having an affair.

My best friend, who has been a real pal from school days, was amazing in helping me put my life back together. She helped move me and my son into a new place and was there for me during what were some of the most challenging times of my life. She was the shoulder I leaned on and she really took me and my daughter under her wing

My husband and I have started talking again and we have decided to give our marriage another chance. However, my girlfriend does not want to have anything to do with my husband and I am afraid that I will lose her friendship if my husband and I get back together. What advice can you give me?



Dear C.Y:

My first question would be to whom are you married? Is it your husband or your best friend?  If you choose to forgive your husband and get back together with him, that’s your prerogative.

However, I understand how valuable a good friendship can be, and you are in a tricky situation. Your friend has lived through your grief and time of pain and so, no doubt feels protective of you when it comes to your husband. Indeed, when she was your rock, I am sure you told her things about your relationship which would have caused her to “dislike” your husband.

Clearly, you have now moved on and want to give your relationship another go. I presume that you have had long discussions about what went wrong and decided that what you have is too special to throw away. In fact, some relationships can get stronger after a turbulent period such as yours has been through, as the problems that come to a head with an affair can be acknowledged and addressed.

In other words, an affair is a symptom of greater underlying problems that, if dealt with, can refresh and renew a stale and unhappy union.

I suggest you spend time talking with your friend and help her understand the decision you’ve made. She may be angry and you will need to exercise patience and control as both of you work through this together. It may also take her some time to be comfortable around your husband, especially when she probably know too much about your relationship with him.