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DEAR CHRISTINE: Hurt by lies, bad treatment


DEAR CHRISTINE

DEAR CHRISTINE: Hurt by lies, bad treatment

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Good day Christine,

MY PROBLEM has to do with a male partner who moved in with me. It started with him sleeping on weekends, then once a week, now it seems to be permanent. He says he cares, but his actions show differently. He hardly ever takes me anywhere and if he does, it is somewhere with a friend of his.

He is also always broke – at least this is what he says to me – and he hardly supports our child. Whenever I raise this issue, he gets upset and allows me to know he did not tell me to get her.

He tells me I’m always accusing him of cheating. Am I wrong for not trusting him?

Before he gave us the title boyfriend and girlfriend, we were great friends. We talked for hours on the phone as well as in person about everything. We also laughed a lot. In short, we had fun. Then his ex-girlfriend, who is also his first child’s mother, began calling me on a regular basis telling me about their sexual and other encounters.

At first, I told her not to call my house because she was rude. On one occasion she told me she just needed someone to talk to. Being apparently naïve, I became her listening ear – giving her advice. She told me the two of them had sex on and off, and indicated that when he and I were not together, they were having sex.

I got upset and questioned him, but he said “no”. Since we were just friends at that time, I let it go. As time passed, he stopped going by her as often as before. They were always at each other’s throats. Now that he and I are in a relationship, they appear to be much closer.

They are always communicating with each other and he goes at her house for hours.

I am thinking he is cheating on me with her, but when I questioned him, he told me I am paranoid. Am I Christine?

He tells me he has to communicate with her about his child, yet Christine, when we were just friends, he went through the child’s granny in order to deal with the child. Am I wrong for not trusting him?

I find myself losing feelings each day he comes home late because I think he is cheating. We are always upset with each other and we hardly have fun anymore. Did I mention he does not pay any bills in the house, hardly gives me money to buy groceries . . . and when I ask him for money to buy groceries he gets really vex and shouts at me? What should I do?

– CSA

Dear CSA,

You seem to have found yourself in one of those binds where couples shack up, have no direction or focus, and believe that somehow life is going to be sweet. Clearly now, you have discovered this is not the case.

Your friend seemingly has succeeded in using you and abusing you – judging from your letter. Why are you allowing him to live at your place, when he does not pay a single bill, does not support his daughter, does not contribute to grocery shopping, and along with all that, treats you like a lesser mortal?

The mother of his other child is clearly still in the picture, and perhaps will always be in the picture since they have a child together. If she has the nerve to tell you they have had sex while he was seeing you, why is he still in your house? Get him out as quickly as you can. Why are you entertaining him?

Make provision – perhaps through the courts – to have him provide support for your child, and start to think about your future. You will not find a future with him. You seem too nice a person to put up with his infidelity, abuse and disrespect.

Also, make sure you do not make the same mistake twice – no more “shacking up” again with anyone else, until there’s a ring on your finger. It does not mean everything will go smoothly, but at least you’ll be doing the right thing within a committed relationship.

– CHRISTINE

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