GAL FRIDAY: Protection from the new SDT
THE ATTACKS from those supporting the tax during an extremely taxing period made me overreact. In fact, I experienced the least stimulating sugar rush in the history of my Coke-drinking life. And then, I began to hoard. Hoad knows about sugar, perhaps better than you and me, so I am hoping he’d agree.
Sweetness is in our blood, in our music and in our revelry. Think of it: Sugar Barons, Sugar Daddy, Sugar Rush, Sugar Ultra Lounge in The Gap . . . . Without the sugary element, what would they be?
Yes, I fully understand that there is a phonetic link between fine ants and sugar, but it didn’t make me laugh this time around. So . . . cuhdear, the SDT – sugary drink tax – intended to either decrease consumption or increase revenue, (I don’t think anyone is sure about that just yet) has left a sour taste in my mouth.
I went to a place called Beverage Express and had to ask the fella Corey to lend me his truck. My garage? Filled with cokes – all that I can afford before I can no longer afford to buy in bulk. According to minister Sinckler, August 1 – Emancipation Day 2015 – will signal the start of the SDT, so I am protecting myself before it’s too late. Hopefully, I’d have about a year’s supply by the end of July. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, right?
Anyway, on to more heartening news. I found a plaster in my souse last Saturday. While I tend to have a plaster for every sore, I never intended to find a plaster in my souse.
Apparently, the cook was plastered while he was doing the dish. “Plastered” meaning that he was imbibing inebrious libations and also happened to have a cut finger. Well, the cut was open and my appetite was wounded.
What would you do if you found a plaster in your souse? Instead of taking a picture and plastering it all over social media, I decided to speak to the cook. Rather than apologising, he gave me the finger.
“I got a cut, man. Is a accident.” He played the role of victim, although his name is Victor. While showing me the finger, Victor also warned me not to “write any foolishness about the souse, come Friday.” If the esteemed Editor has printed it, it is therefore not deemed folly. And if you’re reading it, please take note. Victor could be anybody. But he could also be everybody. Folks, check your souse carefully tomorrow, hear?
Before I go, a heartfelt word of thanks to Creceita Nassar, Ramona Goddard and Orion Kirton – your service was sugary this past week. I’ll pass by soon, with an appreciating asset to show my appreciation. Think of it, folks – how much will 12 cokes be worth in just over one month’s time?
Check: 12 x $2.50 = $30 as of today’s date. Add on ten per cent and as of August 1, you have $33 instead! And that ain’t no Ossie Moore economics!
Veoma Ali is an author, broadcaster, advertising exec and, most important, a karaoke lover.