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DEAR CHRISTINE: Family doesn’t like my hubby

Barbados Nation

DEAR CHRISTINE: Family doesn’t like my hubby

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Dear Christine,

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED for the past year and  my family does not know. Let me tell you why and how come.

My family met my now husband once and did not approve of this man because of his race.

Christine, I believe love comes in all colours, shades, sizes and hues and what the heart feels for another, the skin should not have control over.

I love my husband and he loves me. We are happy together. His family has accepted me but my parents are yet to accept the fact that this is the man I love. I have been able to keep my secret from them because I am away studying.

Christine, I am 30 years old and I am paying for my studies, together with my husband, who was also a student when we first met. He is now gainfully employed as a doctor.

I will be returning home in a few months after my graduation for just one week. My husband will not be able to visit because of his work but I must break the news to my parents.

How do I do so without causing anymore friction between us?

– Waiting  To Exhale

Dear Waiting To Exhale,

Your signature has brought a smile to my face. I guess you signed your letter as you did because you can’t wait to get this all over and done with.

My dear, you are old enough to marry the love of your life if you want to without seeking your parents’ permission or their blessing. That’s really the bottom line.

While you respect them as your parents, they do not have any right to determine your choice of a husband. Your parents are simply downright prejudiced and if they have not yet faced up to that reality, then you need to drive it home to them, so they can do something about it.

If you believe they’ll have a hard time accepting your husband and you’re not comfortable about that, I recommend that you stay at a hotel while on the island – if possible – and invite them over. Have a discussion with them and let them know the decision you’ve made.

If they become angry, you can always ask them to leave. On the other hand, if you’re staying in their home, you’ll have to deal with any tension and friction when you give them your happy news, which will be theirs to lament if they cannot be happy for you.

While it would be nice of them to approve of your choice of a life partner, one of the basic premises of marriage is that you are forming a family unit of your own. Don’t allow how they react to be your problem. It’s theirs.

Having said all that however, I’m hoping they’ll be happy for you and realise that your choice of a partner is your choice, not theirs.