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I CONFESS: New life after hurt and pain

Barbados Nation

I CONFESS: New life after hurt and pain

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SOMETIMES THINGS SEEM unbelievable but I had an encounter which I must confess left me in a total state of shock. It indeed created quite a stir and caused me to realise that with certain issues you must be firm and resolute, otherwise you will live to regret.

Some years ago I was in a relationship with someone who I felt was charming and would have become my husband. But things went very wrong in the relations after about 18 months of dating. I came to realise that I was merely being used and abused.

I was little more than a sex symbol and I look back on those days with sincere regret, shame and hurt. It was also a learning experience for me.

I subsequently got married to a man who has turned out to be a good partner, not necessarily perfect, but with fine qualities in many ways. I could not ask for someone better.

Yes, he is moody and miserable at times, has cheated to my knowledge with another woman, but has also been kind, understanding and very supportive.

Of his wandering ways, I realise that he hates to hear me make any comments and looks back with regret. My son asked me not to speak to his dad about it anymore since he said he hates to see his father cry, even if it is in private.

We have grown fond of each other as we grow older. We now do lots of things together. From a little overseas travelling to cruises on occasions to a range of things right here in Barbados. One of the things I have watched with some pleasure is that he has given his life to the Lord and without wearing his Christianity on his sleeves, he has transformed his life and indeed mine.

I would say that at this stage of my life, we are very happy as a couple. Children, grandchildren and close relatives make me thankful and grateful.

So just imagine my anger, shock and plain downright surprise when a few months ago that former boyfriend – who had broken my heart, pulled down my life and in the process said such nasty things about me that caused me to walk around in shame and sorrow – turned up at my house. The only thing from this sordid episode was that he came at a time when I was at home and my grands were there visiting.

My grandson answered the doorbell and came back to tell me a man was there to see me. I thought it was someone who was supposed to have come to do some work I wanted done at the house. So I proceeded to go to meet this man outside.

As a rule my grandchildren would stay at the door and shout for me, but they were all playing a game on the computer and were totally not interested in who was at the door. So I went, and rather than peep through the window before proceeding to open, I pushed the door one time.

Expectation all wrong

My expectation of who would be on the outside was all wrong. There was this man, now much older, staring me in the face. My hand started to shake and I could not let go of the door knob. He held out his hand in a manner of greeting. I could not touch it. I could not speak for a few seconds, but it seemed as if it were minutes.

He said how glad he was to see me and had been searching for quite a while since coming to the island. He told me I had kept well and was ageing with grace. Lot of fancy words.

When I caught myself, I told him: “Please let go of my door. In fact, please leave my property. How dare you come here? I will call the police.” I was absolutely petrified but somehow managed to stay calm and collected. I did not raise my voice.

He seemed to have disappeared from before me as my husband’s image came into sight. I only hoped that he would leave before my husband came in. Indeed, before my children came home to collect the grandchildren.

He seemed puzzled by my comments and retreated to the road where a vehicle was awaiting him. I looked at the vehicle and the two occupants seemed unsure of what was transpiring. One of them shouted my name with a sense of familiarity but I simply ignored the person. As soon as the former boyfriend of mine had left my property I closed the door.

I quickly went to my grandchildren. They were all excited about the computer game before them. I told them something but, to be honest, I was in a completely different world. I started to sweat and had to fan myself. One of my grands asked me what was wrong. I could only say “nothing”.

An hour later there was another knock on the door, I rushed up from across my bed and told the children don’t go to that door. But by that time two of them were already there. They did not open the door as I was quickly behind them.

“Who is it,” I asked?

My husband quickly responded indicating that he had a number of things in his hand and did not want to put them down to open the door. “Why the children ain’t open the door?” he quizzed. I simply responded and said, “I don’t want my door opened as any and everybody likely to come in”.

He was simply interested in putting down the things in his hand and didn’t seem to even hear my response.

Just imagine the gall of this ex to turn up at my house. It is pure provocation and shows how people can run you into real problems. In my case an ex is a capital X.