THE LOWDOWN: Look de devil dey!
“You ’fraid de devil? You ’fraid him bad? Well look de devil right in your yard! An’ he grinning while you saying grace, shaking up he tail in people face…” – Penguin
INSIGHTFUL SUNDAY SUN columnist Adrian Greene encourages his readers to read between the lines in order to grasp the real meaning behind the major issues confronting Barbados. “As you read today,” concludes Greene, “remember to be an active, thinking, questioning, deep reader looking behind and reading between the lines”.
Of course, it’s a challenge to be “looking behind” and “reading between the lines” all at the same time. Nevertheless, heed that warning! These are funny days. Maybe reading with your back to a secure wall will suffice.
But you can’t fault the man. Here a dot, there a dot, everywhere a dot-dot, Old Mac Greeney says ‘connect those dots’, and bam! the picture emerges, ee, zee, ee, zee, so!
So, let’s look for some dots to connect. Because of the heat, two of my favourite ladies have been licking. Antoinette licked ice-cream. “It was delicious!” and got her “thinking about Creation”. Veoma licked a lolly – “no pleasure at all”, she tells us, “except for the lolly man…” Lucky fellow!
But then she hallucinated about seeing a naked guy hanging from a lamp post. Could be me or Al Gilkes, she says. Well, it couldn’t be Al. He was reportedly well hung at age 11.
And there’s another dot – my pick up went for painting and service and came back with a length of rope tied in a perfect hangman’s knot. Gotta watch that. Veoma says she wouldn’t mind seeing “a hanging Hoadie”. Lord have mercy!
One good thing about the heat. Lots of young ladies have probably gone home, had a cold shower, and are now reading this in bed with nothing on but a fan. Ohmigosh!
First picture: naked women. Label it: “Bare trouble!”
More dots: Bolt beating Gatlin. Just a race?
No way! That race, Good against Evil, may just be heralding the news that the fightback has begun.
Consider the dots: a warrior from a small Monarchy has rinsed out the champion from a mighty Republic. A little nation which abhors sexual deviance has whipped a big one which extols it. A government which has faith in Christianity has triumphed over one which is suppressing every expression thereof.
Got the picture? The Devil loses this one. Label it: “Gates of Hell can never…”
But the battle isn’t over. More dots come up. Dismantle traditional education, done with scholarships. Speculate that youths committing violent crimes are “Christians”. End Common Entrance (hopefully not in favour of uncommon entrance?)
Says one writer: “ISIS, like so many iconoclastic extremist groups through history, seeks to destroy the record of the past”. “Iconoclastic” means “characterised by attack on cherished beliefs or institutions”. Is this where we’re at?
This picture: dust cloud on the horizon. Label it: “Crisis or ISIS?”
Enough dots for now. Re: guns and killings, the yutes say legalise marijuana, they would make a good living, everybody happy. Yuh wrong, fellas! Legalise marijuana, the big merchants will take over. Buy in bulk, grow on their plantations, beat you for price, got distribution centres all over in supermarkets, advertising. Your trade would be dead in weeks.
Next thing. Big hurricane. House destroyed. Cell phone towers knocked out. You’re stranded. Relax, says Nick Nunes (The Sunday Sun of June 28), your dead cell phone is “packed with potential”. The gorilla glass can make a signal mirror. Stroke a piece of wire with the speaker magnet, float on a leaf and make a compass. Sharpen the circuit board to make a knife. Use the battery to light a fire.
Wow! But I’d prefer a goat. Milk and warmth for days. Attach elastic to her horns to make a guttaperk for hunting hares. Send her with a message for help. Or kill her for meat. Stretch her skin over a bucket to make a tuk drum for signalling. Blow up her bladder and launch a balloon.
Best of all, and you’re a really baaad boy, and she consents… just make sure Nick Nunes isn’t around with his cell camera.
Last thing. Fond farewell to the little giant, Robin Hunte, who with Emile, Chris and the other Merrymen made this a better world for over half century. Vaya con Dios, my brother!
Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email [email protected]