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DEAR CHRISTINE: Can’t seem to get over wife’s affair


DEAR CHRISTINE: Can’t seem to get over wife’s affair

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Dear Christine,

MY WIFE and I have enjoyed seven years of what I would call a rather happy marriage. Of course, like any other couple, we have had our ups and downs, but nothing to complain about.

We got married when she was 21 and I was 24. We have three children, one of whom I had before we were married.

I recently discovered that during our first year of dating, my wife (my then girlfriend) had a short affair with my best friend – or the man whom I thought was my best friend. He moved away from our neighbourhood within months after we got married but returned recently to attend a relative’s funeral. Someone else who knew of the relationship kind of made a slip with their tongue at the funeral service, which my wife and I attended.

When I asked her about the affair, she was very apologetic and told me she had a crush on this guy even before we started dating. She said the “affair” only lasted for four months before she stopped from seeing him after she realised I was serious about marrying her. She also said she was trying to make up her mind about whom she really wanted to settle down with.

I am still devastated. I know I have not lived a pure, perfect life and I have my skeletons in my closet. That was before I met her. I have been faithful to her from day one.

We have had some arguments since this discovery and we are trying very hard not to allow this to affect our strong bond as a couple.

But still, I cannot get over her unfaithfulness. I have never felt pain like this in my entire life and I do not know what to do.

How can I get over this hurdle?

– Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

There is a seven-letter word called “forgive”. When used effectively, it eases the heavy burdens of our hearts and allows us to recognise that no one is perfect. Even you have alluded to having skeletons in your closet. What took place back then is in the past.

It also happened before your marriage. Has your wife been unfaithful to you since your marriage? If the answer is “no”, you have nothing to be stressed over. Your wife has explained why the relationship happened in the first place and you should thank your lucky stars that you were the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

What’s done is done. She was “free” at the time to make her own choices, which she did. I am quite sure that your “best friend” probably felt hurt when she dumped him for you. Think about that. I am also certain that you honestly believed she made the right choice.

Get on with your life. I see absolutely nothing for you to lose sleep over, or any reason for you to cause friction between you and your wife.