DEAR CHRISTINE: My husband is a bisexual
DEAR CHRISTINE, IT HURTS MY HEART as I pen this letter to you. I am doing so with tears in my eyes, as I do not know where else to turn and who to talk to. The truth is, I have tried to turn a blind eye to my situation, but I cannot do so any longer.
I have been married for quite a few years now and believed that I had met the perfect man. Everything seemed okay in our marriage until I started getting very sick. I went to the doctor who discovered blood in my stool and decided to run some tests.
To cut a long story short, I discovered that my husband was engaging in sex with other men and even had a male “partner”.
Christine, if anyone had told me that he was bisexual as I later learned, I would have bet my last dollar they were very wrong.
As it turned out, talk got around and I became the laughing stock and conversation topic for many. In fact, not only did I discover my husband was “bi”, but I also learned that some of his male friends, who are also married, are really gay. Their marriages, like mine, are just “blinds” to make these “men” appear holy, upright, respectable men, who even play various religious roles with seemingly “great passion”.
Will I divorce my husband? Call me foolish, but I don’t know what to do.
I stand on the premise that behind every “assumption” there is the possibility that the assumption is wrong. What exactly am I saying? I am saying that those who know about my situation know about it. Those who are not sure but simply hear the “rumours” can only rest on their assumptions. They will probably do this because we appear as a “happy couple” when our marriage is simply a lie.
We are together because of our status in society and our families, who are strong believers. Sorry if I sound sarcastic, but we “just do not want to disappoint them”. Of course, they must know the truth, but are also too afraid to face reality. I wish my eyes were opened before I said “I do”. We have no children (thank God) and there is no longer . . . and so the days of our lives go on . . . and on . . . .
– MRS X
Dear Mrs X,
I am honestly saddened to hear about your situation, but pleased that you actually took the time to pen your letter and vent how you obviously feel about your unhappy life.
Please do not convince yourself that you have to remain in this so-called marriage just to please family members, friends or because of your status in society. You need to get out because you must love yourself first and foremost.
In fact, what you have is not a marriage at all. It’s a false representation of what a true marriage should be.
If you truly wrote this letter with tears in your eyes and pain in your heart, you should recognise that it’s time to stop turning “a blind eye” to your situation. Face the hard facts that confront you every day and start taking the necessary steps to close this chapter of your life.
It makes no sense whatsoever to remain in an unhealthy, unhappy “union” where your mental state is challenged on a daily basis.
Your “husband” may not see the need to “come out of the closet”, so to speak, but you can “come out of your prison” and hold your head up high. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong – but stayed with this man for too long.
Stop those tears from running down your face and face up to what you know you should have done a long time ago. Start packing your bags and begin to take the necessary steps to end this façade.
I am reminded of that famous quote by William Shakespeare: “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts . . . .”
Don’t you think it is time to stop the acting, get off the stage and make your exit from this so-called “marriage”? I do.