Dear Christine,
I RECENTLY did something which I felt I needed to do. I kicked my husband out of the house.
We have been married for five years and have a three-year-old daughter. My husband is 30 and I am 25 years old.
Just over two years ago I started hearing rumours that he was seeing someone at work. She is 21 years old. He said they were just co-workers but I found two notes in his pocket which indicated they were more than friends.
Things got messy when I started checking his cellphone bill and discovered he was calling this woman several times a day on weekends. He was not only making calls to her cellphone but her landline. Apparently, she took a trip overseas and he must have booked the hotel for her. The hotel number was also in the cellphone.
When he realised I questioned one of his co-workers, whom I know personally, and the co-worker confided that the office staff felt they were a “couple”, he became very angry with me. Soon after, she started calling my home for him – all hours of the night. When someone tried breaking into her home, she called him, instead of calling the police. He left my bedside at 2 a.m. to go to her place.
Since then, I caught him telling me many lies and have seen his car parked at restaurants and parking lots at night, when he should be home.
I bluntly asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said he did not. Yet, this relationship is ongoing. Usually, he would try to dismiss me when I question him.
I miss my husband, but I could not stand the fighting, lies and his two-timing ways.
Some family members and friends have suggested that I file for divorce. This is three months that he has been gone. We talk on the telephone but he has not given me any indication that he plans to return home even before Christmas.
Should I wait it out to see if he will return to me and his daughter? Should I go ahead with the divorce and pray that God will send me someone who respects and loves me, or should I suggest we see a marriage counsellor?
– D.B.
Dear D.B.,
I cannot answer any one of those questions for you. You have to make your own decisions. However, I would describe your husband as uncaring and a remorseless manipulator. Do you want to remain with such an individual? Would you be able to trust him again if he returns?
These are two questions you must ask yourself. Another question is if your husband really loves you? Be honest with your answers. Counselling can help you to determine what you want and need to do, but it won’t necessarily change him. The fact that he has made no mention of returning is evident that he really does not care.
A marriage can only be saved if both parties are willing to work at it. From my viewpoint, your husband seems unwilling or unable to end his affair.
Do what will make you happy; whatever you know that will be.
– CHRISTINE
