DEAR CHRISTINE, I WANT to take this opportunity to wish you the best for the holidays and to congratulate you on all the good advice you give. This is my first time writing to you. I never thought I would have to but I guess you’ve heard the saying: “Never say never.”
I’ll call my friend “Richard”. We have been best friends with benefits for the past six years, even though we’ve known each other for seven years. He has a girlfriend with whom he lives and they have a six-year-old daughter together.
His girlfriend and I are “friends” and we help each other out whenever the need arises. I have babysat for them and their daughter is like my daughter. His girlfriend is not aware that Richard and I are intimate.
I have now reached the stage where I want to have him for myself. I am aware that the two of them are always fighting and that she even threatened to leave him. He said he wanted to be with me also, but going from her to me right now would not be the best idea. He wants to wait. I don’t.
When I first told him how I felt, he also told me he would not want me to sit around and wait for him. He recommended if I found someone else, I should go ahead with my life. Well, I did find someone with whom I felt comfortable, but he got very upset and said he did not like the guy for me. I ended the relationship.
So here I sit, committed to someone who can’t do the same for me, and feeling confused and lonely. I believe I am in love with Richard. We still have a sexual relationship. I have tried to put a stop to it, but it’s like we are “made for each other”.
Do you think I should wait around and hope for things to work out, or cut him off completely? What if he is just using me? I’ve given that some thought.
– W.H.
Dear W.H.,
I usually tell quite a number of people exactly what I am about to tell you. “Richard” is eating his cake and having it also. He has you and his girlfriend. What a mouthful for him!
Do you really believe that he loves you? If he did, would he be living with someone else? He is using you, my dear.
I have taken note that you started your sexual relationship around the same time that his girlfriend was pregnant. This tells me that he was desperately seeking an outlet and you were available. Rather, you made yourself available.
I’ll give him credit for his salesmanship. He has a daughter and girlfriend, free babysitter and a “side-kick”. This exclusive package you’ve offered him has made his life so easy. At the same time, he has told you not to wait for him. Would a man who really cared about a woman make such a statement?
Wake up from your slumber. This web of deceit is nothing short of a nightmare. Bid “Richard” goodbye and look for someone who is free, disengaged and untangled.
– CHRISTINE
